A Bunch of Fucking Bullshit
by Lackluster Brilliance
Summary: Originally Bullshit Week, but now is just plain Bullshit. Prompts always welcome, but I cannot guarantee I'll be able to do them. Ratings vary, pairings, and summaries will all be different, but the common theme is still here! Nothing in this will have a plot. Contributing authors: Coolgurlxx10012; waatp
1. Charizard Vs Pikachu

**Greetings Mortals! So I have returned, and everyone is cheering. Great, now let's answer that question I'm sure you're all asking. What the hell is Bullshit Week 2014? Well, that's actually quite simple. It is literally going to be me, and hopefully a few other authors bullshitting the hell out of Valentine's day week.**

**So, I got this idea because I really hate Valentines day... like with a burning passion. It's such utter bullshit, and then I was thinking more about how my writing is bullshit, so here we go! Bullshit Week 2014. There will literally be no plot in these one shots so, if you're looking for my usual thought provoking shit, I just updated LOAD. Go read that. I am writing this to provide mindless comedy and lewd humor to a day that really should be renamed Single's Awareness day.**

**To those out there who agree with me and want to contribute to Bullshit Week 2014, just send me you're fic through Gmail, and I'll add it in. Don't worry, all credit will be given, and really, I just want a hue pile of bullshit for this. Just remember, keep it pointless, just like Valentines Day.**

**To the readers, I'll update this at least once a day, if not more... and now, I want to give you all an incentive to review. The first person on each chapter (that I write... I can't speak for other authors) who reviews, I'll write whatever prompt you give. Literally no limits on this, PWP, fluff, anything, and I'll do it. Just as long as it isn't angst or something serious, consider it done! I know... Did I really just say that? Yes, yes I did. Any character pairing is fine, and any prompt is fine. Hit me with your best shot!**

**So now, without further ado, I give you, Bullshit Week 2014**

* * *

Pairing: Bechloe friendship

Category: Humor

Rating: K

Beca sat comfortable next to Chloe on the couch watching cartoons. Yes, the one and only badass Beca Mitchell liked cartoons. Fucking sue her if you wanted to, but hey, there was no shame in liking the old cartons. The new ones were shit, but the original Pokemon, Digimon, Teen Titans, Static Shock, etc, they were the shit. Plus, they were a staple in her childhood, so of course she still loved them. It was like mortal law that one will always love the shows they grew up with. You know I'm right, just don't even try and argue.

To those who were wondering, no, Beca and Chloe were not dating. Chloe was actually dating Aubrey, and Beca was just a friend. Yes, just a friend. A good friend, but not a friend with benefits or anything else like that. God, you're all dirty little birds. Looking over at Cloe, Beca smiled. It was nice just having friends for once. Not that she totally wouldn't fuck Chloe if she had the chance. It was just that she was petrified of what Aubrey might do to her if she slept with the red head. She rather liked her vocal chords, thank you very much. Plus, Chloe was the forever kind, and Beca didn't like tat kind of commitment, especially not in college.

Looking back over to the TV screen, Beca literally jumped up when she saw what was on. Fist pumping, Beca cheered, ignoring the quizzical look Chloe gave her.

"FUCK YES!" Beca shouted happily as the theme song of Pokemon began to play, "FUCK! YES! Alright!"

"Beca?" Chloe asked, "Are you alright over there?"

"Well duh!" Beca said, flopping back onto the couch to watch the show, "Fucking Pokemon is on! That show was the shit Chlo. The new Pokemon is so fucking stupid, but the original 151 were the fucking shit."

"Who knew Beca Mitchell was such a geek," Chloe said, laughing at the younger girls antics, "I thought you would have been like to cool for Pokemon or anything like that."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Beca scoffed, as though the answer should have been obvious, "Pokemon is the fucking shit Chlo. It was like the staple of my childhood. I had all the games, knew all the Pokemon"

"You're unbelievable sometimes, you know that?" Chloe laughed.

"That's what she said," Beca smirked, "That's also what the girl I took home from the club yesterday said. you know, if Aubrey isn't cutting it anymore Beale, I can rock you're world."

"Oh my god, you're such a dork!" Chloe laughed, "And trust me, Aubrey's doing way better then cutting it Beca. She's fantastic in bed, let me tell you. She also really knows how to use her tongue, probably from all the singing she does. See, there's this one thing she does where-"

"Ohmigod please, stop," Beca begged, holding her hands over her ears, "I do NOT need to hear about you and the aca-nazi having sex. Just please, no. Dear God no. That's like hearing about my parents having sex."

"What?!" Chloe huffed indignantly, "I'm not THAT much older then you Beca! And I know for a fact you have sex like all the time so I don't even know what-"

"A, can we please not bring my sex life into this, and B, I wasn't talking about you when I said that because I would totally do you if you weren't dating Aubrey," Beca said quickly, "I was talking about Aubrey. She's just such a prude, that its weird, that's all."

"Seriously Beca?" Chloe asked, "Aubrey is anything but a prude, TRUST me. Because I' nice, and Aubrey would kill me if I told you, I won't give you details, but just believe me when I say she is ANYTHING but that."

"You know what, I don't even want to know." Beca said, "Let's just watch Pokemon."

"Alright," Chloe said happily, "But you know there was this one time when we-"

"POKEMON!" Beca shouted, "Let's just watch Pokemon."

Smirking, Chloe settle back down onto the couch with Beca, letting a comfortable silence fall between them. As the adventures of Ash and his little band of merry friends broke for a commercial, Beca finally spoke again.

"Dude, I totally forgot how much awesome Charizard was," Beca said happily, "Charizard was the shit. I even went as him one year for Halloween. Chlo, that guy was fucking awesome. Hands down the best Pokemon ever."

"First, you're such a geek," Chloe laughed, "And second, you're an idiot. Charizard was okay, sure, but Pikachu was the best."

Beca's mouth literally dropped and she stared at Chloe as though she had grown a second head. For a full minute, Beca opened and closed her mouth like she was trying to find the right words, but just couldn't. Finally, she composed herself enough to start what Chloe felt was going to be a very long conversation.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Beca gasped, "Pikachu was a little twat. What retard never evolves? And what the actual fuck! Did you just say Charizard was only OKAY? Are you fucking stupid or something? Charizard is the most badass fucking Pokemon ever. I don't even want to hear it Beale if you're not going to agree with me.

"Are you serious right now?" Chloe laughed, "Pikachu saved Ash's ass so many time, it's not even funny. Plus, he was just so adorable! Charizard was an ill tempered ass who only moved when he had to."

"Dude, while the show was good, it had nothing on the games. And in the games, a Pikachu was fucking stupid, and Charizard was the best fucking guy to have, hands down," Beca huffed, "And even still. Charizard kicked ass in the show. He was too awesome for someone as stupid as Ash to have. He did his own thing and kicked ass the whole way."

"Until he got his ass kicked by Blaziken!" Chloe laughed, "I remember that episode, Charizard got his ass kicked and then Ash lost the chance at the championship bout because little Char-"

"Just don't even Beale," Beca snapped, "Charizard would have kicked ass if it wasn't for Ash being a little fucking idiot. And anyway, Charizard could and would kick Pikachu's ass any day."

"You're forgetting what type Charizard is," Chloe smirked, "He's a FLYING type and fire type, so Pikachu's attacks would be super effective."

"Psh, Pikachu wouldn't even be able to take on hit from Charizard," Beca scoffed, "One Flamethrower or Fire Burst, and BAM! Pikachu would be down and out for the count."

"Are you for serious right now?" Chloe asked, "Because you really can't be serious right now."

"Oh, but I am," Beca said, suddenly, she got a mischievous glint in her eye. "And I'm about to prove it too!"

"Wait, what?" Chloe asked, "What are you doing?"

Beca just smirked and got up. "I'm proving that Charizard kicks Pikachu's ass. I'll be back."

And with that said, Beca hopped up from the couch and walked out the door. Staring at the door, Chloe tried to figure out what the hell had just happened. One second they were watching Pokemon, then they were talking about sex, and then Pokemon again, and now Beca left. What the hell? How did that even work? Shaking her head, Chloe sighed. Beca had said she'd be back, right? So now it was time for her to wait and see what the younger girl had in store.

Turning her attention back to the TV, Chloe watched as Pikachu was fighting against a gym leader's Pokemon. With his signature Thundershock move, Pikachu knocked the other Pokemon, Alakazam out, winning the match for Ash.

"Ha see?" Chloe said in the empty room, "Pikachu IS better."

* * *

Three hours later, Beca waltzed back into the room, a somewhat large black box in her arms. Setting the box carefully down onto the coffee table, Beca proceeded to then hop onto the couch and shake Chloe awake.

"I'm UP! I'M UP!" Chloe yelled as Beca literally shook her shoulders.

"Alright, good, because we're going to settle this the old fashion way," Beca said happily, "SO I went to my dad's house and I got all my old Nintendo stuff so now we can settle this-"

"Wait, you went to you're DAD's house, like the one that's an hour drive away?" Chloe asked, shocked, "Why the hell would you do that? And wait, I thought you hated your dad."

"Yes, and yes," Beca said, already digging through the box, "But you dissed Charizard, so this was the only way I could make you take it back."

"So you went all the way to a parent's house you hate because I dissed Charizard?" Chloe asked incredulously.

"Duh!" Beca said, shaking her head, "Dude, no one disses Charizard, and now, here we go!"

Pulling two old Gameboy Advances out, a couple cables, and two old Pokemon games, Beca handed one set to Chloe and started setting her own things up. Sitting there, Chloe was still to shocked to do anything but stare at the items in her hand in absolute shock. Did Beca seriously drive over two hours, face a parent she hated, and then waltz back into the apartment all to prove that Charizard was better then Pikachu?

"Chlo, you need to get set up, Pikachu is already level 50, so no need to do anything else there," Beca said, already finished setting her counsel up, "We're going to settle this the right way, and after Charizard trounces Pikachu, you'll have to admit that Charizard is a badass and Pikachu is a twat."

This snapped Chloe out of her trance and she smiled. So this was how it was going to be? Well, she could do with this. She definately wasn't above playing ld school video games with a friend on a Saturday afternoon. Actually, she couldn't think of many things she'd actually rather do. Plugging her cable in and turning the Gameboy on, Chloe grined.

"You ready to be crushed under the awesomeness that is Pikachu?" Chloe said.

"Psh, In you're dreams." Beca laughed, "You ready to go yet?"

"Already in the Pokecenter," Chloe smiled, "You ready?"

And with that said, it was on. Entering the battle room, Chloe laughed as she sent out her Pikachu and Beca sent out her Charizard. True to her word, Beca's Pikachu was indeed level 50, the same as the Charizard. Looking through the moves, Chloe's smile widened. On top of being a high level, the Pikachu also had really good moves. Perfect. Beca was going down.

"You're going down Mitchell," Chloe smirked, selecting Thunder, "Pikachu's gonna kick you're Charizard's ass."

"Oh really, because my Charizard just killed your Pikachu," Beca smirked, "one Flamethrower, ad puny Pikachu is down and out for the count! Charizard remains champ, and I am right! HA! Suck it Beale!"

Looking back down at her screen, Chloe was shocked to see that yes, Beca's Charizard landed one Flamethrower on her and Pikachu's once full green health bar was now completely empty. With a final cry, Chloe's Pikachu fell down and the defeat music played on her game, and the victory music played on Beca's. How the- what the hell?

"What?!" Chloe shrieked, "That's not- Beca! You rigged this! There's no way you could have done that!"

"Oh but I can. and I did," Beca smirked, "But hey, if you don't believe me, we can go again. I always love kicking ass at Pokemon."

"Oh, it's so on now Mitchell," Chloe said, already setting up fr the next match, "You're going down this time!"

"Bring it Beale." Beca smiled, also setting up for the next match, "Charizard's still gonna kick ass."

* * *

Aubrey walked into the apartment and set her keys into the bowl she had on the counter. Yawning, Aubrey went to grab a water bottle out of the fridge, before she stopped short. Turning around, Aubrey furrowed her brow. She knew Chloe and Beca were here, but usually by now, they were both passed out. Looking at her watch, Aubrey confirmed the time. Yes, indeed it was way past midnight now, and usually the two were asleep. From the living room, Aubrey could hear muttered words and the occasional swear word. Cautiously, Aubrey walked to the doorway and was shocked at the sight that greeted her eyes.

Beca and Chloe were still sprawled out on the couch playing Pokemon, each growling at the other when the other landed a hit or they lost. Both were so absorbed in their game that neither even realized that Aubrey had walked in the door. If she had to bet, Aubrey would also bet that nether even knew what time it was. What in the name of the aca-gods were those two doing?"

"Chloe and Beca," Aubrey said loudly, "What are you doing?"

"Pokemon," Beca grunted out, eyes not even leaving her screen, "Dammit Chloe! Fuck, you can't do that!"

"Just did baby!" Chloe said happily, "And that's just how we do!"

"Ah fuck!" Beca swore, "But I'm still ten wins up then you so Charizard is still better then-"

"BECA!" Aubrey yelled, trying to get the younger girl's attention, "What are you two doing? And please give me an answer that is longer then a single word."

Finally, the two put their game consuls down, albeit very reluctantly.

"We ah, we were playing Pokemon all afternoon," Chloe said sheepishly, "We got into a debate about which Pokemon was better, and Pikachu totally is better then Charizard, but that's not the point. Um, well, Beca had these old games, so we were trying to settle the debate through a battle... But we can just ask you. Bree, who's better? Charizard or Pikachu?"

"Wait, what?" Aubrey asked, "I don't- were you just-"

"Chloe, you cant ask Aubrey that!" Beca huffed, "You're dating her, so obviously she'll agree with you."

"No she won't," Chloe said, shaking her head, "Aubrey doesn't do stuff like that. She's always really honest about that, and she never backs me up unless I'm actually right. Which I am right now, but see, Aubrey will prove that."

"Dude, no!" Beca huffed, "I bet Aubrey doesn't even know what Pokemon are and-"

"Both of you!" Aubrey snapped, "Are you seriously telling me you've been playing a child's video game all day?"

"Umm... not like that, but yes!" Chloe said happily, "Now could you please tell Beca that-"

"No, I will do no such thing!" Aubrey huffed, "Both of you, bed now. We have to get up early for Bellas rehearsals tomorrow, and don't want a grumpy co-captain or a grumpy hobbit tomorrow. Now bed!"

Glaring at both, Aubrey watched as both girls trudged to their respective beds. Finally when both were in their beds, Aubrey sighed. Glancing down at the Gameboys on the couch, Aubrey had to bite back a laugh. As much as she loved Chloe, because really, she did, more then life, Pikachu really didn't have anything on Charizard. She just wasn't ever going to tell Chloe that though.

* * *

**And the bullshitting begins. So how was that? Bad, god, bullshitty? Hopefully at the minimum a little funny. Tell me what you think. Remember, first reviewer gets to give me the prompt for tomorrow's update!**

**Writers, please, send me one-shots to put in this! I want this to be a giant collection of bullshit one-shots to make the world a better place :) the week of Valentine's day sucks for us single people, so let's try and make it suck a little less!**


	2. surprising songs that get you laid

**Greetings mortals! Now, before the bullshitfest starts once more, I have just one thing to say... DAMN! The response to the first chapter was awesome mortals... and now, because I am a woman of my word and nice mortals left me reviews, I bring you Bullshit chapter, #2. This was prompted by a guest who's name I do not know, and his/her prompt was as follows.**

_**could you write a story about beca losing a bet and having to sing a song that no one would expect her to know to let those that she likes know she likes them and make it a triple treble please. I don't care how they get her to do this but being a little drunk would probably be the easiest way in my mind.**_

**Well my lovely guest, you were the first to leave a prompt, and your wish is my command. Time to enter the bullshit-iverse.**

**BTW, cuz I forgot last time, I own nothing... Obviously.**

* * *

Pairing: Triple Treble

Category: drunken, slightly lewd Humor

Rating: T

Beca was drunk right now. Like really, really drunk. The world kept fucking moving, and she could barely string a coherent thought together. Also, walking was very difficult right. It felt like she had two left feet, and she was trying to walk on a fucking tightrope. As she slammed into another wall, Beca cursed. Fucking hell, why did she take those shots from Amy? What the hell had that damn Aussie even put in them? Fuck, she'd only had two, and she was already stumbling around like a freshman at her first party. Alright, so she was a freshman, but this was SO not her first party. She was a ducking club DJ. She knew how to party. But Bella's bonding night? Whole fucking new level of party.

Stumbling through the flat, Beca did her best not to slam into everyone or everything... Which she was failing miserably at. Pushing past CR and Stacie, and running into almost every wall (and some furniture) along the way, Beca finally made it to the kitchen. Scanning the room for Amy, Beca rubbed her eyes. Fuck, when did everything get so blurry?

Blinking a few times, Beca was finally able to sort of kinda make out the large Aussie at the bar. Stumbling over, Beca lurch forwards and landed right into Lily. Pushing the quiet girl away, Beca finally made it to her destination.

"You," Beca slurred, "Wa dih you puh in mhy drink?"

"YO! SHORT STACK!" Fat Amy bellowed, "TIME TO PAY UP!"

"Drink," Beca repeated, not registering what Amy said, "Wha'd you puh in it?"

"Oh you know, some Tasmanian rum, some of Lily's vodka. Oh and I th8ink some of that yellow power Lily had too"Fat Amy said nonchalantly, "Nothing big. But now, its time to pay up Shorty!"

"Wuuuuu?" Beca asked, trying to keep up, "You put drugs in there?"

"Maybe, but that's not the point!" Amy said airily, "Time to pay up hobbit! You said last week that I wouldn't be able to get you drunk in two shots! WELL I DID so not PAY UP SHORTY!"

"What?" Beca said, slowly fighting through her alcohol induced haze, "What are you talkin about?"

"OUR BET!" Amy Bellowed, "So now its time to pay up. Karaoke is going to start soon, and you have a song to sing!"

"Song, karaoke, what?" Beca asked, still very confused.

"YOU. ARE. GOING. TO SING. A SONG. TO. THE CAPTAINS!" Amy yelled, "We had a bet I OBVIOUSLY won, so now you have to sing! Any song you want, you just gotta sing it to them!"

"What, duuuude, no!" Beca slurred, "Not happenin!"

"Oh, but it is, and if you don't, I'll tell everyone what happened three weeks ago!" Fat Amy smirked.

"You wouldn't." Beca said, sobering almost immediately. Nothing like good old fashion mortification to sober a girl up.

"Oh, but I would, and you know I would!" Amy laughed, "Now you'll thank me for this later. Or not. I don't really care either way. Now sing! I think they're starting now."

"I really hate you right now," Beca snapped, and then she realized she was almost completely sober now. What the hell, "Amy, why aren't i drunk anymore? I was stumbling rip roaring drunk, and now I'm not. What the actual fuck?"

"See, um... that's what the powder was..." Amy said nervously, "It uh... it made you really loopy, but the high only lasted for like a half hour."

"Are you kidding me?" Beca growled, "Then the bet's so off now!"

"Nope, I won, you lost, now sing!" Amy yelled, "I'll still tell everyone what happened if you don't."

"You're a fucking dick!" Beca snapped.

"No, I'm a cunt. No extra equipment down here!" Amy laughed, "Now GOOOOOOO! Your ladies await!"

"I fucking hate you," Beca mumbled as she walked away.

With a sigh, Beca sat down in a chair and thought. What was she going to sing tonight? She was tempted to just sing some Eminem song or something like that, but Amy wouldn't let her off that easy. She'd have to sing something good, or else, Amy would tell everyone about her having to run through all of Barden wearing only a T-shirt. Thank God no one but Amy saw her, but she had pictures now, and Beca REALLY didn't want that to be common knowledge. So now she had to sing a song. At Karaoke. o both of her crushes. Very, very soon. You know right about now, the idea of those pictures circulating Barden was looking awfully tempting. But no. She had to do this. Fuck it! What song was she going to sing.

Suddenly, Beca got a brilliant idea. If she was going to humiliate herself, might as well do it right, right? Walking over to Lily, who was manning the Karoke machine, she whispered her song to the girl and then sat down and waited for her turn. Settling herself into a seat, Beca sat and watched as CR sang to Stacie, obviously trying to get the oblivious Brunette's attention.

Taking a deep breath, Beca steeled her nerves. She could totes do this. Eww... did she just say, well think the word Totes. Eww. That's just... not cool. Like not cool at all. Dammit Chloe! She was slowly making Beca's vocabulary worse. Fuck it! Why should she care about her vocabulary. God dammit, now she sounded like Aubrey. You know what, just fuck it all, fuck everyone and just screw the world. There. Much better.

And then it was Beca's turn. Clenching her jaw, Beca slowly walked to the small stage they had erected like a man condemned to death. Which wasn't actually that far away from the truth, at least in Beca's eyes. She was about to sing a shit fucking song she was absolutely fucking embarrassed to even know in front of all the Bellas. Specifically the two captain that she may or may not have a slight crush on. Fuck it, this was going to be a God damn catastrophe wasn't it?

Staring at the ceiling, Beca tuned out the collective shocked gasp as nearly everyone in the room recognized the first intro chords of her song. Fuck it, this was going to suck hard. Taking a deep breath, Beca began to sing, refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

Living in my own world  
Didn't understand  
That anything can happen  
When you take a chance

I never believed in  
What I couldn't see  
I never opened my heart  
To all the possibilities

By the end of the first chorus, Beca's confidence had already skyrocketed. Everyone was laughing and singing along with her. In the back of the room, Aubrey and Chloe were both laughing and smiling, which was the best form of praise, at least, it was to Beca. Smiling, Beca stared right at the two, her original idea of just singing and then dying now gone. She was going to fucking sing this song with everything she had right now.

I know that something has changed  
Never felt this way  
And right here tonight

This could be the start  
Of something new  
It feels so right  
To be here with you

And now looking in your eyes  
I feel in my heart  
The start of something new

Now who'd of ever thought that  
We'd both be here tonight?  
And the world looks so much brighter  
With you by my side

I know that something has changed  
Never felt this way  
I know it for real

This could be the start  
Of something new  
It feels so right  
To be here with you

Dancing around on the little stage, Beca was all smiles and laughs. This was absolutely ridiculous. Here she was, Beca Mitchell, the world's greatest badass ever, on a makeshift stage on a Bella's bonding night, singing a High School Musical song too two people she had a crush on. Oh well, fuck it all. Part of being a badass was just doing whatever the fuck she felt like doing, and right now, she felt like acting like a complete ass. Blowing a kiss at Chlo and Aubrey, Beca winked and finished strong.

And now looking in your eyes  
I feel in my heart  
The start of something new

I never knew that it could happen  
Till it happened to me  
I didn't know it before  
But now it's easy to see

It's a start  
Of something new  
It feels so right  
To be here with you

And now looking in your eyes  
I feel in my heart

That it's the start  
Of something new  
It feels so right  
To be here with you

And now looking in your eyes  
I feel in my heart  
The start of something new  
The start of something new  
The start of something new

Singing the last verse, Beca closed her eyes and smiled. That was fun. Now it was time to go get her girls. However, the Bella's had another plan for Beca. The second she stepped off of the stage, the rest of the Bella's, except for Aubrey and Chloe swarmed her, slapping her back, laughing ad jokingly teasing her about her performance.

Nodding and accepting her raise, Beca tried to not make it completely obvious that she really didn't give two shits about what everyone was saying and that she really just wanted to go talk to the captains she kinda sort of loved. Wait, loved? Where the hell did that come from? Eh, who the hell even cared right now. Taking a shot from Amy, Beca let the effects of the strong alcohol take over. '

Letting the liquid courage do its thing, Beca pushed past everyone around her and half stumbled, half walked over to the couch that Aubrey and Chloe were sitting on. Not giving herself a chance to talk herself out of this, Beca walked straight up to them and planted herself right in front of them.

"Beca!" Chloe said happily, standing up to give the younger girl a hug, "That was-"

Beca didn't give Chloe a chance to say anything else. Grabbing her roughly and slamming her lips into the now rather shocked red head's lips, Beca poured every ounce of pent up sexual frustration she had into that kiss. Breaking for air, Beca pushed Chloe away and then kissed an extremely shocked Aubrey Posen in the same manner, ignoring the wolf whistles and hoots the other Bella's were making.

"Sorry, I just had to do that once," Beca said to the now very shocked seniors, "I um.. i kinda sort of like both of you and um, well, yeah. I'm just gonna go now. Sorry about that."

However, before she even had a chance to take one step, Chloe grabbed her arm.

"Beca, wait!" Chloe said, "Sorry about that. We were a little... um _surprised_ by that. But um, could you stay for a sec?"

"What?" Beca asked confused.

"Wow, um, this defs wasn't how we had planned to do this," Chloe laughed, "But um, we like you too, so yeah. Nothing at _all_ to be sorry about here, and wow, this is kinda sort oft he most pathetic love speech, but oh wells."

"Wait, you like me? Both of you?" Beca asked, fighting through her drunken stupor to try and process Chloe's words, "Really?"

"Yes, we do Beca," Aubrey said, standing up, "Both of us like you quite a bit. Admittedly you irk me to no ends most days, however, I find your alternative style and passion for music to be quite... _endearing_ so that balances out your other less then excellent points.

"What?" Beca asked, to drunk to even think about what the hell Aubrey had just said.

"Aubrey like you too," Chloe winked.

"Oh, cool..." Beca said, smiling.

Wow, this was working out really well. Who knew a shitty ass Disney song would help her get the girl, or in this case girls. Internally, Beca groaned. Shit, this was just like High School Fucking Musical... Except she was in college. And she was a lesbian... And she liked two girls, not one. You know what, I think she was good.

"Yes, very cool," Aubrey purred, standing next o Beca, "So tell me Beca. Were you singing that song to us?"

"Umm... yeah," Beca managed to squeak out.

THe fact that AUBREY POSEN was now next to her practically purring into her ear was nearly too much. Add to the fact that Chloe's eyes suddenly darkened att eh sight of Aubrey and Beca together and looked like she was almost shaking, Beca was pretty proud of herself that she had the restraint to not tear both of the older women's shirts off right then and there.

"Hey, do you want to get out of here," Beca forced out.

"Mmm, what did you have in mind?" Aubrey asked, "Where are we going to go DJ?"

"How about your place?" Beca gasped out, as Aubrey let her hand wander a little closer to where Beca REALLY needed to be touched.

Before she even knew what was happening, Chloe was Aubrey were beside her, literally dragging her out of the door. Looking over at Aubrey, she saw the older woman's eyes had darkened considerably, and Chloe was gritting her, obviously fighting back the urge to fuck Beca then and there in the middle of the room. Getting her feet under her, Beca let herself be guided away by the two very attractive Bella's captains.

"Aw Yea!" Amy yelled, as they passed her, "Shorty's finally gonna get some!"

If it weren't for the fact that Beca was was rather intoxicated and she had two hot women by her side, Beca was sure that she would have died of mortification right then and there. But see, she was rather intoxicated and there were two very hot women by her side, so instead, Beca just smirked. What? She was about to get some as Amy just said. And come one, don't lie. The you know that the idea of being fucked senseless by one Chloe Beale and one Aubrey Posen was a VERY nice thought.

As they walked out oft he door, Beca had one last non-lust filled thought. She should have sang that damn High School Musical song ages ago.

* * *

**Aaaaand we out. So how was that Guest Who Prompted This (Yes, that is now your name. Get over it)? Did I do alright? I swear to god, if you don't read and review on this chapter, I will fucking cry. I spent a whole three hours writing this XD lol. So I know this was bad, but that's the point! Remember, its Bullshit Week 2014. The point is to make everyone laugh and write a shit ton of absolute bullshit. **

**Now on to my aca-mortals. (Yeah, this is like a thing for me. Don't judge.)**

******Guest Who Prompted This**: Yes, yes you were the first to leave a prompt! So was this a happy enough ending for you? Because I think being dragged out of a party by two very hot women would be a VERY happy ending. ;)  


**Chloe: Well thank you :)**

**cxcxcx368: OMFG, you didn't know who those Pokemon were? Ohmigod, I'm dying over here! I chose some of the most iconic Pokemon possible, and for fucks sake! Charizard is on the damn cover! lol, now, with that said, I'm glad you like Bullshit Week, and I hope you're ready for the bullshitfest :)**

**number1: Oh, more has come, and more will come. I'll be here all week babe!**

**Just 2 Teenage Girls: Well thank you mate. I get those every now and then XD I'd love to see what you might contribute to BSW and I'm sure everyone else would too, BTW :)**

**To everyone else: So, the Bullshitfest continues! Like i said, I'll update everyday this week, and first person to eave a prompt on each chapter will get their prompt written by me. If you're my friend, just drop me a PM or email, and I'll take your prompt too. Remember, keep it plotless and hilarious mates! Authors, I'd love to put some other mortal's work in here, so please, give me some one-shots or something I can throw in here too :) All credit will be given and together, we will be able to create a wonderful anthology of absolute bullshit! :)  
**


	3. Zippers Fucking Suck

**Greetings Aca-mortals. I know, another update? Yeah, I'm just that fucking awesome. Everything is being pushed out for Bullshit Week. School, work, other writing, everything is being ignored for the duration of this week. Sorry aca-peeps who this effects, but I REALLY hate Valentines Day week, so this is me coping XD**

**This was prompted by the lovely and aca-awesome immortal cxcxcx368, and cuz she's always nice to me, I took her prompt. See? Being nice to me has its perks :) Becky, you're prompt will be next... or right after who ever was the first reviewer on the last chapter.  
**

**Disclaimers are like my writing and Valentines day. Absolute bullshit. Howeer, don't have the money to pay for a lawsuit, so I own nothing. Happy now aca-fuckers?**

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Pairing: none

Category: Humor

Rating: K+

Beca cursed. Fuck fuck fuck fuck, this was not good. In exactly half an hour, she was due at the Bella's rehearsal space so that they could go to the semi-finals and right now, her skirt was completely fucked up. That damn zipper wouldn't fucking zip, and she needed it to, and it just wasn't working! Dammit, this was bad. Aubrey would fucking kill her if she was late, and really, Beca didn't want to die, at least, not at the hands of the aca-nazi. Beca had no doubt that Aubrey would make her death long and painful if she was late and really, Beca would like to avoid that if at all possible, thank you very much.

Hell, that was why she was in Aubrey and Chloe's apartment right now! Aubrey had insisted that Beca's lack of work ethic for anything other then her music and her remarkable ability to forget important day meant that she was at risk of forgetting what day the Semi Finals were. Which was totally true, but still, if she was late now, that would meant her death would only be that much more painful. Aubrey and Chloe had just left a few minutes ago to get everything ready, after Aubrey gave her a lecture about the importance punctuality of course. Which Beca had snapped wasn't necessary... but now, it might be.

"Fuck!" Beca growled as she tugged on the broken zipper, "Why the hell won't you zip fucker?"

With ad angry growl, Beca flopped down onto the couch. Fuck, this was bad, this was so very bad. What the hell was she going to do now? There was no way in hell she was going to perform with a broken fucking zipper, but at the same time, if she didn't get moving soon, Aubrey was going to kill her. So what was she going to do? Suddenly, Beca had a stoke of absolute brilliance

"Ohmigod, YES!" Beca said jumping up.

Dashing over to Aubrey's desk, Beca rummaged around for the item she was looking for. With a triumphant hoot, Beca pulled out Aubrey's roll of tape. Ha! If that fucking zipper wasn't going to zip, she was going to stick the fucker together! Pulling a piece off, Beca stuck the two ends together with the tape. However, the second she took a step, the fucking tape bond broke and once again, there was a large gap where her zipper should be zipped. God dammit, this was bad, so very fucking bad.

Pulling another piece of tape off the roll, Beca tried and stick the zipper together again. Once again, her attempt was met with failure. Fuck it! This was so fucking annoying. Growling, Beca was so immersed in her task that she didn't hear the apartment door open as Aubrey and Chloe walked in to get Beca until it was too late.

"What in the aca-name of the great aca-gods are you doing Beca?" Aubrey shrieked as she walked in to the room.

"DUDE!" Beca yelled, shooting up in surprise.

Seeing the murderous look on Aubrey's face and Chloe beside her, trying her best not to laugh, Beca's face immediate turned a deep scarlet color. Fumbling with the tape in her hands, Beca looked at Aubrey sheepishly.

"Well hey Aubrey," Beca squeaked, "How's it going?"

"Shove it Mitchell," Aubrey snapped, "Now, would you like to tell me what you were doing with MY tape and why you are not down in the practice room yet? And swear to the aca-gods, if you do not have a good explanation, I will rip your vocal chords out."

"Umm... no?" Beca guessed, however the look on Aubrey's face was enough to get Beca to start confessing, "I'm sorry, Bree. I really was going to be on time, but then my zipper wouldn't zip, and I didn't know what to do, so I tried to tape it! But then, that wasn't working because the fucking tape wouldn't stay, and I was trying, I really was, but like I said, it didn't work, so here we are now, and ohmygodpleasedon'tripmyvocalchordsout!"

For a second, no one moved. Beca was panting slightly from her rushed confession, Aubrey looked like she was trying to process everything Beca had just said, and Chloe was staring blankly at Beca. Then Chloe burst out laughing, and both Aubrey and Beca stared quizzically at the now howling red head. For a full minute Chloe just laughed until shew as able to compose herself enough to talk.

"Oh my God Beca, you're such a dork," Chloe said giggling, "Why didn't you just use chapstick?"

"Wait, what?" Beca asked, "Why would I use chapstick?"

"Because silly, that's how you undo a stuck zipper!" Chloe said as though the answer should have been obvious.

"Wait, seriously?" Beca asked, "So I was freaking out for nothing?"

"No, because after the semi finals, I'm going to kill you for being late and now making us late," Aubrey snapped. Pulling out a stick of chapstick, she handed it to Beca, "I can't aca-freaking believe that you didn't know that Beca. Honestly, did you really think taping you skirt together would actually work? That is honestly the most absurd thing I have ever heard. Everyone knows that chapstick is how you unstick a zipper! Not tape! Sometimes, you really do surprise me with how absolutely idiotic you can be."

"Well sorry! Obviously not everyone knows that," Beca mumbled, taking the offered chapstick, "So what do I do with this now?"

"You put it one the zipper dumbass!" Chloe laughed, "Oh my gosh, you're not a bad ass, you're a DUMB-ass!"

"And you're just an ass," Beca grumbled.

Putting the chapstick on the stuck zipper, Beca was surprised to see that yes, using chapstick really did work. Gliding up, her zipper finally zipped, and she was now, as Aubrey called it, performance ready. Letting out a sigh oft, Beca smiled.

"Alright, we all good here," Beca said, "Let's go."

"Finally!" Aubrey snapped, "I swear to god Mitchell, you're such an idiot sometimes."

"Whatever," Beca sighed as she walked to the door.

Holding the door for the two seniors, Beca sighed. Today was going to suck, hard. She just knew it. It wasn't even noon and Aubrey as already pissed at her. Just fucking lovely. Not only that, but they were going to the semi finals where she'd have to sing and dance to the most boring set list known to man. Also, her zipper didn't want to zip, so obviously, that was a bad omen for the day. Hey, don't judge! Omens were serious shit.

Walking out the door, Beca followed Aubrey and Chloe down to the bus, fiddling with her newly unstuck zipper the whole way.

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**Aaaaaand cut! So that as that. Short, I know, but whatevers. I can't always bullshit 5000+ words! Deal the aca-fuck with it :)** **As always, keep those reviews coming, and maybe I may even update again by the end of today XD**


	4. British Food is Gross

**Greetings mortals! King Alex has returned. So this was not completely written by me. I collabed with a friend, coolgurlxx10012 with this one, and i think its pretty damn funny. This was prompted by the one and only Becky Astin-Camp and yeah. That's it. Mortals, I'm just going to respond to reviews on the first post of the day, cuz if i responded to everyone, I'd confuse myself right now, so yeah. You're not forgotten, just temporarily put on hold XD**

**Now with that said, I bring to you more of Bullshit Week 2014!**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

Pairing: Jaubrey. eww, I know but I blame Becky :)

Category: Humor/romance

Rating: T

"Okay bye Mom, I love you." Aubrey says about to hang up the phone until her Mom continues talking for what seems to be the thousandth time in their 40 minute phone conversation.

"Wait, Aubrey honey your Father and I are planning a family dinner this Saturday and would love it if you brought that nice British boyfriend of yours we would love to meet him." _Shit _Aubrey knew that she couldn't possibly turn down her parent's dinner because- well she was the poster child. Prim and Proper, _perfect _Aubrey had to be perfect.

Although Aubrey was perfect there was one thing was definitely **not **perfect, _Jesse. _Of course Jesse was perfect to Aubrey but there is no way in hell her parents would think the same of a guy with little ambition and an obsession with John Hughes movies.

"Yeah that'd be great." Aubrey told her Mom in the the most fake and happy voice imaginable because if Aubrey was dreading anything it was this dinner. As Aubrey hung up the phone with her persistent Mother the dinner was a thought she could not ignore in her head. You see her parents were already in love with Aubrey's boyfriend Jesse even though they had never met him, the problem was they were in love with the made up Jesse.

Aubrey's parents thought that Jesse was some British genius who attended a high end British school. Which by the way if you hadn't notice that was the exact opposite of who Jesse really was.

"Fuck me!" Aubrey exclaimed to her empty door room walls out of frustration, there was absolutely no way around her petty lie now.

"Speak of the devil," Aubrey mumbled as Jesse's face flashed upon her cell phone screen, she was hesitant to answer but knew if she didn't it would just leave her more time to wallow in fear of the dinner about to happen.

"Hey babe," Aubrey said into the phone line and Jesse said hello to her as well.

Aubrey was debating whether or not she should just call back her Mother and tell her Jesse wasn't up for it this weekend due to the recent loss of his Dads, uncles, cousins dog or something like that, but the better person in Aubrey decided not to.

"Okay, so listen Jesse here's the thing." She began to speak and the moment she said this Jesse could already tell by her the 'business' edge to her voice she had done something again.

"What did you do this time?" Jesse questioned Aubrey as he ran his hands through his hair awaiting his girlfriends answer.

"My parents called and want to have you over for dinner this Saturday." relief washed through Jesse at her words because this was probably the most normal thing Aubrey had ever been worried about. Jesse couldn't understand why Aubrey was stressing out about this when she should be stressing over the upcoming exams they have or what the hell they are all going to wear for the 70's dance.

"Aubrey what did I tell you about stressing over the dumbest things? Of course I'll go to the dinner with you." Jesse says as he walks up to the building where Aubrey's dorm is.

"See there is more to it Jesse. I may have lied just a little bit about who you were exactly." Jesse squeezes his eyes shut in frustration through the phone, this is why Aubrey was so stressed out.

Aubrey paced in her dorm room waiting for Jesse to burst through her door. She told him what she told her parents about Jesse and right after that he hung up, she took it as that wasn't a great sign. Only moments later there is a loud knocking on her door and only a moment after that it opens and reveals a rather pissed off looking Jesse.

"You may have lied just a _little _bit about who I was to your parents Aubrey? I'm british and attend some pissy high standard british school? What in the _hell _were you thinking? Obviously your parents were going to want to meet me eventually! You just fucking sent me to my own damn funeral!"

There was one thing that Aubrey hated more than Khakis with sandals- Jesse yelling. Aubrey was at a loss for words because in this moment she knew that she royally fucked up and fucked Jesse over.

"I'm sorry alright? I know you're pissed but you know how my parents are!" Aubrey tries to reason with him

"After all you know how my Father always says if-"

"If at first you don't succeed pack your bags." Jesse finishes for her, "I know Aubrey, I've heard how much of a complete business prick your Father is numerous times. I just can't believe that you lied about me!" Aubrey wasn't going to cry but she sure as hell wanted to punch something.

"Come on Jess, think of this as one of your acting things. Pretend you're in a brady bunch movie like the one you always like to watch!" Aubrey says hoping this will spark Jesse's interest.

"Breakfast club! It's called the Breakfast club not the fucking brady bunch!" Jesse shouts but when he really thought about it, it would be pretty fun.

He was obsessed with movies, they were his kryptonite and although he was now willing to do this stupid dinner, Aubrey has no idea what she just signed herself up for.

* * *

"Come on Jesse, hurry the hell up! You take longer than me to get ready!" Aubrey shouted for the tenth time waiting for Jesse to come out of the bathroom. They both had to be at her parents house in an hour and Aubrey was already nervous enough about the entire Jesse being British thing, she didn't need being late as another thing to worry her about.

Aubrey practically spit her milk out as Jesse walked out of the bathroom, she wasn't sure whether or not she should laugh or scream at him for not taking this entire dinner seriously, then as she looked at his choice of wardrobe a bit closer she saw he may have been taking it a bit too seriously.

Standing before her was Jesse wearing a pair of brown pants that were rolled up at the bottom and a green sweater hugging his chest with a white shirt underneath it, he even went through the lengths to get himself a pair of toms and fake glasses.

"Fake glasses, are you kidding me?" Aubrey asks breaking the silence

"Hey, I got a pipe with the British flag on it but I thought that was too far. I could always use that.." Jesse trails off and Aubrey waves him off annoyed walking towards their car.

"How far away is your house again?" Jesse asks and Aubrey ignores him getting into the front seat of the car and turning on the ignition. I'm sure most kids would be ecstatic to come home from college to see their parents but that was not at all Aubrey. Every time Aubrey ever came home she was picked apart piece by piece by her Father.

"Come on ye lovely don't be so down in the gloom, just be chipper mate!" Jesse shouted over the music playing through the car stereo and Aubrey hoped that in the next 30 minute car ride Jesse would be able to improve his British accent and also his British vocabulary.

By the time Aubrey and Jesse reached her parents house she had just about had it with his fake accent and bad choice of British words.

"Come on lighten up, just having a wee bit of fun, cheerios!" Jesse exclaimed wrapping his arm around Aubrey's shoulder.

"It's just Cheerio Jesse." Aubrey says correcting Jesse

"Why would we just eat one Cheerio though?"

"It's not about eating the cheerios it's just- Nevermind lets just get this over with."

"Oh my lord! Aubrey is that you?" Her Mother shouts and runs to her daughter hugging her tightly. Jesse stood there awkwardly and followed his girlfriend and her Mother into their house, the inside of the house was huge- and white, very, very white. Jesse felt as if he would ruin it all just by his essence being in the house.

"Ah, you must be Jesse! Our Aubrey has told us so much about you! Where are you from in England?" Aubrey's Mother asked and Jesse could feel the pressure already. At some point Aubrey's Father had walked up and was with them all standing awkwardly in the entrance of the home.

"Um.. Heathrow," Jesse says off of the top of his head and once he said it he became even more nervous. Jesse had no actual idea if that was a real place that even existed.

"Nice, where about are you from? I've been there once or twice myself actually." Aubrey's Dad said which was not something that either Jesse or Aubrey needed to happen.

"I'm from um.. winterchestirshireville…" Jesse says and he realized one he said it that anybody who was an actual person would call his bullshit.

"It's a really small town, not many people have heard of it but Jesse is always telling me how cute it is. He's always talked about the little nail salon he always went to called pretty nails." Aubrey says quickly trying to save Jesse's ass. Jesse shakes his head at Aubrey, out of all the things she could have said, a nail salon? Way to make him sound like a girl.

"Oh that's nice. We have a nice salon down the road actually ourselves, only the name is a little bit more.. oh you know what nevermind, why don't we just go eat!"

"Aubrey told me your favorite food from home was called Stargazy pie. So I made that with some black pudding." Aubrey's Mom informed them both and as both of them laid eyes on the food before them, Aubrey felt like getting sick.

"Well, you know how I love my pie with fish heads sticking out of it." Jesse says forcing a smile, before looking towards Aubrey and sending her a dirty look.

In Jesse's eyes, whatever he ate Aubrey had to eat.

"And black pudding how delicious that is.. with all of it's… blackness.." Jesse manages to say, he couldn't tell just by looking at it what exactly it was but all he knew was it was not something he wanted in his mouth.

"It's blood sausage of course." Aubrey's Father said and she know that this must have been his idea to make these hideous foods, anything to sabotage a good night.

"Well let's all dig in!"

As Jesse piled the pie and pudding onto his plate he made sure that his glass of water was filled to the top because just the smell of the food sent the feeling of utter nausea to his stomach.

Aubrey eyed the food on her plate as her Father seemed fine shoveling it down his throat and her Mother ate her salad in peace because of her "diet" we all knew by looking at her thighs was made up.

Jesse tried his hardest not to think of the content he was eating as he ate the black pudding, he managed to keep it down but the Stargazy Pie was another story. He couldn't ignore the fish literally sticking out of the pie and as he took the first bite Aubrey screamed as the swallowed remains of Jesse's food went flying on the table.

Her Mother fled from her chair and her Father ran after her while she grabbed all the things needed to clean this disgusting mess. Jesse literally had tears streaming down his face as he thought about what he just ate.

"They had fucking eyes Aubrey! I just ate a fish with eyes, in a fucking pie!" he shouts, his British accent no longer there.

"Here, we got you some British napkins-" Aubrey's Mother says handing them napkins with the British flag on them.

"Those aren't even British napkins, they're just napkins with the British flag!" Jesse shouted wiping his mouth with one.

"Where did you accent go? Oh my god, did you throw up so bad your accent is gone!?" Aubrey's Mom shouts worried.

"No! I'm not fucking British! I'm just a guy studying film at the same University as your daughter! And by the way, what British person actually eats that shit? That is fucked up man!" at this point Aubrey knew there was no point in trying to fix this.

"I can't believe you lied Aubrey. I am very disappointed in you." her Father tells her with authority

"Just shut the fuck up. I know you're Aubrey's Father but you're just a stuck up business prick." Jesse says before Aubrey can say anything else.

"Have such an impeccable taste in men," her Father said, his voice laced with sarcasm

"Shut up Father. At least my boyfriend is nice to me and doesn't criticize my every move." Aubrey snapped, defending herself and Jesse.

"Your boyfriend is not welcome here and neither are you until you get rid of him." Her Father growled.

As Aubrey and Jesse left the house, Aubrey realized she had everything to be stressed about over that dinner, and what's even worse was that fucking fish heads in a pie ruined it all for her. Just fucking lovely. So that was what screwed her over? Really? Aca-fuck it all. Looking over at Jesse, Aubrey's anger softened. At the moment, Jesse was wiping vomit from the corners of his mouth and from the look on her face, Aubrey could definitely commiserate with the way that he was probably feeling.

Smiling, Aubrey leaned into Jesse and took his hand. You know what? Jesse was an alright guy. So what he wasn't some swarmy British guy? He loved her, and that should be enough.

"So Mr. Swanson," Aubrey giggled in a fake British accent, "How did you enjoy the pie?"

"It was absolutely awful," Jesse deadpanned, however soon, he broke out into a massive grin, "However, I dare say that the pie tasted far better coming back up then going down!"

Aubrey laughed, "I can imagine that dear. My mother is an awful cook."

"Dude, so true!" Jesse laughed, breaking out of character, "I mean who the hell puts a fish in a pie?"

"Weird British people who have no taste buds," Aubrey laughed as the two of them finally reached the car.

Opening the door up for Aubrey, Jesse helped Aubrey in before going over to the driver side and letting himself in. Smiling fondly, Aubrey wondered how the hell she got so lucky. Not many guys would eat fucking blood mush for a girl, or even pretend to be something they weren't to appease parents. Taking Jesse's hand, Aubrey smirked. One Mr. Swanson definitely deserved to be rewarded tonight.

Letting her hand wander a little closer to Jesse's leg, Aubrey smirked. Perhaps this night could end well too. Bless Jesse, but the man was completely oblivious to what was going going Aubrey's head at the moment. his eyes were trained directly on the road, and Aubrey knew from a conversation long ago, the only thing he was thinking about was getting Aubrey to where ever they were going safely.

Falling in love with Jesse just a little more, Aubrey settled back into her seat and smiled. Her big plans for tonight could begin later. Right now, she was going to enjoy the car ride back to her flat.

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**Aaaaaand Cut! SO I know... the end was a little mean, but what can I say? I'm a fucking lesbian. I don't do guys, literally and figuratively. So yeah. Tell me how you loved it, and continue loving Bullshit Week 2014!**


	5. Jelly donut Nightmares

**Well... Damn. I'm to shocked right now to even offer a proper greeting. This fic has literally been up for less then 2 days, and I mean look at the response. More then 1300 reads, 15 reviews, 6 faves and 13 follows... huh. Guess there are a lot more lonely singles out there then I originally thought! XD lol, no I'm kidding :) I love my aca-mortals!**

**BTW, this will be a thing now. All reviews from the previous day will be responded to in the first update of the day. All subsequent reviews from the day on any extra or following chapters will be noted but will be responded to until the next day with the first update... lol, I just read that back and realized that sounded like a military manual. lol, I'm so sorry. I was studying for my Senior Airman test, so I was reading AFMAN 36-2203 until like midnight XD**

**Prompt: Can you do one where the Bellas are havin A sleepover and Beca has a nightmare and wakes everyone up please? WHy yes, yes I can. And I just did :) Oh and MusicPaddictFreak, you're prompt is next, which will be followed by Rizzlesmylies prompt! All good here, everyone got the order on that? First prompt on this one is then on the list (yes, there is an actual list), etc. Everyone get that? Great. Also, authors, still looking for more contributors :)**

**And that's it for this really long A/N. I own nothing, so let's just keep going!**

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Pairing: none

Category: Humor

Rating: K

"Alright ladies!" Aubrey said loudly, turning off the TV. "It's time for bed. Everyone retrieve your sleeping materials and go to sleep!"

"Aw, but captain! It';s only like 1:30!" Fat Amy groaned, "It is WAY to early to be hittin the sack! We still have like four more movies to watch. Plus i don't think we've payed truth or dare, and -"

"Amy!" Aubrey barked, "We have practice tomorrow at 7:30 sharp, and I really do not want to deal with your-"

"Aww, seriously?" Amy groaned, "We'll have practice tomorrow?"

"Yeah, dat ain't cool," CR added, "Doesn't this count as Bellas rehearsals or something?"

"No, no it does not," Aubrey said, "Now BED!"

Glaring at everyone, all further protest were silenced under Aubrey's Aubrey's angry gaze. Muttering under her breath the whole time Amy pulled out her massive sleeping bag and got herself situated on the floor. Standing in the front of the room, Aubrey made sure that everyone themselves situated and ready for bed.

Laughing to herself, Aubrey found the fact that each girl's sleeping bag really said something about them. Lily had a black sleeping bag with a large golden Chinese character she was pretty sure meant death, Beca had just a regular red sleeping bag that Aubrey was pretty sure she borrowed from someone, and Amy had a HUGE pink sleeping bag with the Union Jack on it. Pulling out her own sleeping bag, Aubrey stopped laughing. Who was she to say much about things like that? Her sleeping bag was a standard issue Army sleeping bag.

Laying down, Aubrey closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep amidst the truck rally that was the Bella's sleeping. Scoffing to herself Aubrey covered her ears and Amy's loud snores and everyone else's various rather loud sleeping noises filled the room. So much for it being to early for sleep, eh? It hadn't even been fifteen freaking minutes, and already everyone was sleeping. Quite loudly, might she add. As Amy started growling and mumbling in her sleep, Aubrey groaned. Fucking seriously? She doubted she was ever going to get to bed tonight.

For a second, Aubrey was tempted to go upstairs and sleep, however, taking one look at the assortment of girls in her living room, Aubrey decided better of it. Who knew what could happen in her absence. Not that she didn't trust the girls, she just knew that none of them had the best decision making abilities. Ie, Amy thinking her old DVR was a cool retro cookie jar, Chloe and CR doing a drink off. Oh, and lets not forget the time all the girls thought it would be a good idea to graffiti the Treble's frat house with the Bella's logo. As much as she would have loved to do that, she really didn't feel like spending any amount of time in jail. Speaking of jail, what about the time Beca was sent to jail for punching the old guy at regionals and then breaking the window? See, I do believe Aubrey's point has been made.

Forcing herself to relax, Aubrey tried to force herself to sleep. Right now, she was complaining about things she brought onto herself, and really, there was no point in that. She had to make the best out of a bad situation, so might as well try and get some sleep. Closing her eyes and relaxing, Aubrey made her breathing slow and let sleep overcome her.

Aubrey was almost asleep when an earsplitting shriek was heard. Bolting up, Aubrey quickly got to her feet and turned the lights on. Around the room, everyone was up, clamoring, and moving about. Amy was shouting about a beast, Chloe was looking around, Stacie was hiding in the corner, with CR practically on top of her. Beca was sitting up, panting, and Denise, Ashley, and Jessica were nervously talking amongst themselves. Basically the only one who was not freaking out right now, was Lily. Actually, looking closer, Aubrey saw the younger was still sleeping. Shit, this wasn't good. Speaking from experience, Aubrey knew that if she didn't get these girl to settle down soon, there would be hell to pay.

"ALRIGHT, EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Aubrey bellowed, "What the aca-hell is going on?"

Immediately, all activity ceased. Looking wide eyed at their very angry captain, everyone sat in silence. Scanning the room, Aubrey saw that everyone (with the exclusion of Lily) was staring at her with wide eyed shock... Everyone except Beca that is. Beca was looking at the ceiling above Aubrey. HA! She had found her culprit.

"Beca?"" Aubrey asked in a sickeningly sweet voice, "What did you do?"

"Whaaaaaaat?" Beca coughed, "I um... I don't know what you're talking about. I was... um... I just erm... i don't know, see I was sleeping, and then there was a scream, and I woke up. So, uh... Yeah."

"Really, is that so?" Aubrey asked, looking straight at the younger girl, "Do you perhaps know who was the one who screamed?"

For a second, Beca refused to meet Aubrey's gaze, however, once she did, Aubrey knew she won. With a sigh, Beca looked away and mumbled something quietly. Still glaring at the younger girl, Aubrey silently demanded that she speak up.

"Alright fine, I had a nightmare, and I guess I woke up screaming. Okay?" Beca huffed, "Happy now aca-nazi? I'm sorry I woke everyone up, and I'd really like to just go back to sleep."

Aubrey shifted about awkwardly. Oops. She should have just let everything alone, and now everything was all awkward. Fucking aca-freaking lovely. This was NOT a very good situation. Thankfully, Chloe was there, and being Chloe, she rushed to the rescue. Sitting down next to Beca, she gave the younger girl a hug and tried to comfort her.

"Its alright sweetie. It happens to everyone," Chloe said, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Umm, not really," Beca said, awkwardly moving away from the ginger, "It was stupid, and yeah. let's just all go back to bed."

"Don't need to tell me twice!" Amy yelled, "Yo short Stack! Mind not screaming again in the middle of the night. Or morning I suppose it is. Anyway, let's just sleep now!"

With that said, everyone (thankfully) began to settle back into bed. Aubrey was about to turn the light off again, when she noticed Chloe still sitting next to Beca. With a sigh, Aubrey left the light on for the two and went back to bed. Settling down, Aubrey listened as Chloe tried to make the younger girl feel better.

"Hey, Beca, really, its all good," Chloe said kindly, "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"Yes, I'm sure," Beca sighed, "It really was stupid, so can we just drop it?"

"Alright, but you know, I did the same thing once," Chloe smiled, "It was at one of these sleep overs with the old Bella's and i had this nightmare about a giant werewolf chasing me. I woke up screaming and-"

"Oh my gosh, I was dreaming about a giant jelly doughnut eating a bunch of littler plain donuts, alright?" Beca sighed, "See? Stupid shit. Can we PLEASE drop this and go to bed now?"

Biting her lip to keep herself from bursting out in laughter, Aubrey saw Chloe was having the same issue. With a huff, Beca rolled over and closed her eyes. For a second longer, Chloe sat there before she got up, turned the light out and settled in next to Aubrey. Drifting back off to sleep, Aubrey sighed. Practice was going to suck tomorrow.

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**Aaaaand CUT! Sp, there we go. The start of Day 3 of Bullshit Week 2014. Let's skip all the usual begging and self depreciation and just move onto the responces, m'kay? I'm just going down the list and if you reviewed more then once, I'm just putting everything in one.**

**Rizzlesmylies: Well thank you babe. And I totes know. Charmander is alright, but Charizard is the original badass. Mewtwo was awesome too :) And hey, I'm 16 and I still break out the Nintendo sometimes and play Pokemon. No shame there mate :) And prompt has been noted and will be written soon :)**

**Becky: A, LAZINESS! UNACAPTAAAAAAAAAAABLE! lol, glad you like this though :) B, Write your own follow up smut! I don't do guys. You know that :)**

**waatp: lol. duuuuude! I'm glad you liked this :) nice to know even when I completely bullshit, i can get somethings right XD And dear god. See, i don't ike puking, so thanks for the tip. umm... yeah. What you said. toodlepip and toodlydo XD**

**BardenBellaBeca: I'm glad :) Das the whole point of BSW! (I I totes agree :))**

**Guest: Why thank you :) I tried. And hey, eel free to leave anyhtign you want. First prompt on a chapter I do :) have a great day mortal!**

**MusicPaddictFreak: Why yes, yes I can. It will be written probably as you read this. And yes... trust me, I get the feeling. Either that, or i go out to a club and take some other lonely single home with me XD Though, I only started doing that last year! It use to be me sitting alone eating candy XD Glad you like BS week... and because I have to, got anything to contribute? make my day and someone elses!**

**Guest Who Prompted This: BAM! Motherfucker I just did! Hope it was everything you wanted it to be :)**

**To everyone else: So yeah. I bring in even more of Bullshit Week! Everyone liking this so far? Yes, no maybe so? Oh wells. Hopefully We'll all be laughing so hard at this bullshit that on Single's awareness Day we'll all forget how pathetic we are :)**


	6. From the Slenderman to Sex

**What up aca-mortals! I'm back and all that hooplah. MusicPaddictFreak, this is for you.**

**Prompt was maybe you can do a chapter with Chloe playing some jumpscare game and Beca scaring Chloe in a nerve wrecking moment... Screw maybe, of fucking course I can! MPF also requested I umm... How do I put this nicely? Spice things up in an PM. Mate, I got you. Congrats. The rating on this now must be changed to M. Young people reading this, don't. I do not want to be responsible for your loss of innocence.  
**

**I own nothing.**

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Pairing:Bechloe

category: humor

Rating: M

Beca could be an ass. Really, that was just common knowledge though. She could also be a really nice person though, which was why Chloe was dating her. When Beca wasn't being an ass, she really was a very caring, sweet, thoughtful person that Chloe loved. But it cannot be overlooked that Beca could be an ass. Like right now.

Currently, Chloe was playing the Slender Game. Fucking game was scary dude! She had to find these clues and go around in the woods before the Slenderman caught her. And you know what? Sure the graphics were kinda sucky and the game idea was completely ridiculous, but dude. It was the fucking Slenderman. That shit is scary. And you better fucking believe it that Chloe believed in that bastard. Thank God she wasn't a kid anymore... but then again, she was pretty sure that if she the Slenderman was there, she would look, and then she'd be dead. Which would be bad. She didn't want to die a horrible death at the hands of a faceless creep.

But that's not the point. The point was that Chloe was on high alert right now and was playing a game that was probably scaring the shit out of her right now. And really, Beca was an ass, so she obviously couldn't pass this opportunity up. Obviously. I mean really, it was like Chloe was BEGGING for Beca to scare the shit out of her. Something that Beca would happily do.

Plus, the game had like completely taken over Chloe's life. It had been a week, and that was all Chloe did anymore. She sat at that damn computer and played that stupid fucking game. Sure Beca got loving her computer, she was a DJ for fucks sake! But there had to be a line, there had to be limits and a balance. And Chloe was absolutely addicted to this game. So Beca didn't see this as her being an ass, but as her trying to help her girlfriend. Yeah, let's go with that. It sounds much better then her just scaring her girlfriend.

"God dammit, where the hell is that clue?" Chloe mumbled to herself as she stared at the screen in front of her, "Shit shit shit! Dammit! Fucking time is running out! Gotta get that motherfucking clue!"

Looking in from the doorway, Beca shook her head. For the past ten minutes she's been standing there, and Chloe still had yet to notice her. Oh well, she'd regret that later. Smirking, Beca silently made her way over to where Chloe, who right now was currently cursing at her computer and frantically searching for some clue. Raising her hand up, Beca waited for the perfect moment to scare Chloe. Practically holding her breath, Beca waited until the Slenderman showed up on the screen. As the black figure suddenly appeared on the screen, Beca grabbed Chloe's sides and screamed as loud as she could and then jumped back.

Chloe's response was instantaneous. Screaming at the top of her lungs, Chloe turned around ans chucked the mouse in the general direction of Beca laughing and retreating form. Bolting up, Chloe wildly searched about the room, until her brain caught up with the situation. However, once she finally processed what had just happened, her fear immediately melted away and was replaced with pure raw anger.

Seeing the look on her girlfriends face, Beca's laughter stopped and now it was her turn to be petrified. Racing to the bathroom, Beca tried to hide in the only room in the apartment with a lock. behind her, Chloe was yelling obscenities and threats.

"GET THE FUCK BACK HERE BECA!" Chloe yelled, "YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING ASS! WHY DID YOU FUCKING DO THAT?! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Quickly opening up the bathroom door, Beca bolted inside. Slamming the door shut, Beca tried to hold the door close as Chloe rammed into the door. Desperately pushing against the door, Beca was beginning to question her decision to scare Chloe. Judging by the fact Chloe was currently prying open the door, cursing and threatening Beca's life, she have to go with no. This was most certainly not her best idea. Oh well. Too late now. Time to try and make the best out of a very bad situation.

"Baby, please, I didn't mean it!" Beca called, still trying to keep the door shut, "I was just upset that you were spending all your time on that game. I'm so sorry baby, please don't kill me."

"You're full of shit Mitchell!" Chloe growled, slowly inching the door open, "I can't believe you just did that!"

"I know, it was stupid and I'm so sorry," Beca said, still trying to keep Chloe out, "But hey, you're mad now, right? We can have angry sex or something to make you feel better, alright?"

Suddenly, Chloe stopped pushing against the door. Lurching forwards, Beca half fell, half stumbled into the door. Quickly throwing the lock into place, Beca sat against the door, barely breathing. Shit, this was SO not good. When Chloe did the creepy silent thing, shit was about to get bad. The last time Chloe did that, Beca had forgotten their first YEAR anniversary. Chloe didn't say anything for two whole days but then, she glitter bombed Beca's room. Like legit, PINK glitter EVERYWHERE glitter bombed the room. It was bad. To this day, 2 years later, Beca is still finding pink glitter in her clothes. So, now that Chloew as doing the scary quiet thing, Beca was needless to say, scared shitless.

"Chloe, baby?" Beca said nervously, "Are you alright out there?"

"Oh baby, I'm _Fine_," Chloe said in a deceptively sweet voice, "Why don't you come out here and see how fine I am?"

"Happily, but erm just one question," Beca asked, "You don't like have a knife or anything with you? Or any other weapon that could be used t seriously injure and/or kill me, right? Not that I think you would, but erm, well, you seem rather angry and I don't want to die... Which I don't think you will, but I know you can and I don't- I just um.. yeah. Let's just go with that."

"Baby, if I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead already," Chloe laughed, "Now get your ass out here!"

Slowly opening the door, Beca peered out. True to her word, Chloe did not have any weapon of any sort, but was instead just sitting on the arm sofa, swinging her legs back and forth. Cautiously exiting the relative safety of the bathroom, Beca slowly approached the smiling figure of her girlfriend. Stopping what she deemed to be a safe distance away, Beca coughed nervously.

"Um... baby, 'm really sorry for scaring you, and I know that was a dick move, so I'm super sorry, and I promise I'll never ever do it again," Beca said quickly, "Pleas don't be mad at me, and please don't glitter bomb my stuff again!"

"Beca, two tings," Chloe said sweetly, "A, you're not sorry yet. But you will be. Which brings us to point B. I'm not going to glitter bomb your stuff. See, I already did that. Doing it again would just be silly. So now, I have an even better plan, a better punishment if you will. I'm completely cutting you off for a month. Hope scaring me was worth it babe!"

Hopping off the sofa, Chloe skipped away, leaving a very confused and a very shocked Beca just standing there. It literally took her ten whole minutes to process what just happened, but when she did, she almost choked. Chloe was cutting her off? From SEX? The hell? No fucking way! SHIT! That was bad, oh so very bad. As Much as Beca loved Chloe the person, because she did, she really did. She loved all the little things an shit, but sex? With Chloe? Holy shit, that was good. Chloe had a gift, and she was insatiable, so Beca wasn't sure f SHE could go a month without sex.

Dashing into the kitchen where Chloe was now, Beca stood in front of her, mouth open in shock. Walking over, Chloe kissed Beca's cheek and gently closed her mouth for her. Patting Beca's cheek and walking back over to the counter, Chloe smiled.

"Sandwich babe? I'm thinking of making myself a PBJ," Chloe said, pulling out the bread, "I can make something else if you want though. How about ham and cheese. You know what? A toasted ham and cheese actually sounds better. Want one?"

"What the- you and cut off... and sandwich, wait, what?" Beca stuttered

"Sandwich. Do. You. Want. One?" Chloe smirked.

Shaking her head, Beca tried to get herself together.

"Wait, so that's it? We're all good now? No silent treatment, no angry glares?" Beca asked.

"Well, we're completely back to normal, minus having sex everyday," Chloe smirked, "So, I'll repeat myself one more time. Sandwich? Do you want-"

"No I do not want a sandwich!" Beca spluttered, "You were serious about that?!"

"Yes, yes I was," Chloe laughed, "Beca you were an ass scaring me like hat, and now? well, there are consequences for being that much of a dick. After this month, we can go back to our usual routine of all that, but until then, I'm going to quote Pink here, it's only you and your hand babe."

"Seriously Chloe!" Beca gasped, "But but but... you wouldn't even be able to go two days with out sex!"

Chloe froze. Narrowing her eyes, Chloe walked over to where Beca was now standing, spluttering and spouting nonsense when really, she should have just been happy Chloe hadn't disassembled Beca's DJ equipment and put it somewhere she couldn't reach.

"Is that so Beca" Chloe asked dangerously, "And what makes you say that?"

"Umm, how about the act that since we've gotten together, more then two years ago, the only time EITHER of us have gone without umm... well, you know, for more the a day was when you have to visit family ad the other can't go!" Beca said.

Walking over, Chloe wrapped her arms around Beca and leaned into her. Whispering in Beca's ear, Chloe held Beca's hands and sighed.

"You know Beca, I REALLY hate fighting with you," Chloe all but purred in Beca's ear, "And you're right, I DO love to have sex with you. However, you have to remember one teensy tiny little thing that's different now."

What?" Beca murmured, closing her eyes and leaning into Chloe's warm, gentle embrace.

I wasn't mad at you than." Chloe smirked.

And just like that, Chloe pulled away, leaving Beca shocked and now rather horny. Gaping at Chloe, Beca tried to make sense of the complete 180 Chloe just did. Once she finally did though, Beca grunted in frustration. Oh, so this was how she was going to play it? Fine. Game on Chloe! Marching over, Beca literally grabbed Chloe and pulled her into a bruising kiss. So Chloe wanted to do things the hard way? Fine. Beca was about to show her why they couldn't go a fucking month without sex.

"That. Was. Very. Mean," Beca said in between kisses.

Not even waiting for Chloe to say anything or to even give her a chance to process what was happening, Beca latched onto Chloe's pulse point. Biting down, not to hard though, Beca smirked when she heard Chloe's loud moan. Running her tongue over the area she bit, Beca smiled when she felt Chloe's hands thread through her hair. Feeling quite proud of herself, Beca pulled away. Laughing at Chloe's groan, Beca let her hand wander all around Chloe's body, except for where Beca was sure Chloe needed her to.

"So what was that about no sex" Beca asked teasingly, "Do you just want me to stop now?"

"Stop being such an ass and fuck me!" Chloe growled, pulling Beca's shirt off.

"But I thought you said no sex?" Beca asked innocently, though she puled Chloe's shirt off too, "What happened to cutting me off?"

"Do you really want to press you're luck right now Beca?" Chloe asked, stepping out of her own pants, "I swear to God, if you do no do something soon, I will."

Really, Beca didn't want to press her luck and so, not needing to be told twice Beca once more claimed Chloe's lips in a hot, messy kiss and brought one hand down and began to slowly pinch and pull at Chloe's nipples. Moaning, Chloe clawed at the short brunette's back, practically vibrating with need now. Letting one hand snake down, Beca smirked at the wetness she found. Not bothering to take Chloe's panties off, Beca slipped on finger past the hem line and brushed Chloe's clit with her thumb. Circling the ball of nerves, Beca had to bite back a laugh as Chloe all but screamed in frustration.

"Beca, stop teasing," Chloe grunted, "Just fuck me!"

"Ask nicely!" Beca smirked, enjoying teasing Chloe.

JUST FUCK ME!" Chloe screamed.

Not wanting to push her luck any further, Beca plunged two fingers into Chloe's core and set a hard fast pace. Bringing her head down, Beca took one nipple into her mouth and massaged the other with her hand, all while thrusting in an out of Chloe. With her back against the wall, all Chloe could do was writhe and moan, occasionally clawing at the brunette's back. Feeling Chloe's legs begin to buckle, Beca picked Chloe up and continued fucking her girlfriend as hard ans as fast as she could. It wasn't long until Chloe's walls began to clamp down on Beca's fingers, and then, with a single shuddering moan, Chloe came.

As wave after wave of pleasure washed over Chloe, Beca continued to pump her fingers in and out, albeit at a slightly slower pace to help the red head ride out her orgasm. Once the last aftershock faded, and Beca knew that Chloe was no longer at risk of falling down, she gently put Chloe down.

"mmm, thanks babe," Chloe sighed.

"My pleasure," Beca smirked, "So what was that about no sex?"

"Oh, I meant no sex for you," Chloe laughed, picking her shirt up from where it had landed, "Sex for me is fine, but you're on your own babe!"

And with that said, Chloe all but skipped out of the room leaving a very confused and VERY horny half naked Beca behind wondering what the hell just happened.

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**AAAAAAAAND CUT! SO you dirty little birds. How was that? I'm not big on writing smut, so tell me if that was bad. Otherwise, i see no other Orders of business, so yerp :) Keep sending me those lovely prompts, and I will see you all soonish. Writers, still haven't gotten anyone to send me anything, so boo. Other then that, everyone, thanks for reading, you're all awesome, and I always love reviews!  
**


	7. Revenge Pie

**Greetings aca-bitches? So how's life? Good, great, shitty as fuck because Valentine's day is Friday? You know what? I don't actually care. Deal with your own fucking problems! On that note, I'm doing fucking outstanding though, in case any of you care :)**

**Rizzlesmylies, babe your prompt is up! For the lazy aca-mortals who don't know, her prompt in a nutshell was follows, a food fight between the Bella's and the Treble's. Kind like a revenge thing. Speaking of revenge, you should all go read that fic. I've heard its fucking fantastic and written by a really good author ;)**

**lol, guys sorry if I'm extra cocky today. I'm in a REALLY fucking good mood, so yerp :) Just bear with me. I'll be back to semi-sort-of-kinda-resembling-in-a-sort-of-kinda-way normal tomorrow :)**

**I own nothing.**

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Pairing: Fat Bumper

Category: Humor/food

Rating: K+

"Amy, are you sure this is a good idea?" Beca hissed as she hopped out of the truck.

"Those bitches need to learn their lesson," Amy growled, "I can't believe Bumpy-poo- I mean Bumper threw that big ass burrito at me! I'm going to smash all those stupid Treble's head into the ground and them I'm going to set the Watakmpi curse on them!"

"You know what? I like this idea more..." Beca said nervously, "DO I even want to know about whatever the hell it was you just said?"

"Aaah..." Amy said nervously, "What part? Because I don't know what your talking about! me and Bumper have absolutely NOTHING going on. Yeah, see I hate that cabbage patch kid. Totally don't see him two to three times a week. Totally. He's just an annoying, though rather sexy, shit head that I HATE! Hello, I hate Bumper. Totally hate him and his adorable face."

"You know what?" Beca said, "I don't even want to know. Let's just throw these pies and go. I think Stacie, Lily, and-"

"OI!" Amy yelled, "That's Bravo team! We're going to do this right Beca, and you need to remember who's on what team and what each team is! Now once the recon team is back, the Alpha team-"

"AKA you and me," Beca sighed, not entirely understanding Amy's need to use military terms.

"ALPHA TEAM! IT IS CALLED ALPHA TEAM!" Amy bellowed, "Now, after that, Bravo Team moves in and-"

"We pie them, scram and go about our daily lives once more. Blah blah fucking bah! Amy, I get the plan!" Beca snapped, "Now please, can we just do this?I'm due back at the radio station in an hour, and I don't have time for this to be some super long drawn out affair, okay?"

"Fine then Mr. Grumpy Gills!" Amy huffed, "Who put a dingo in your loincloth?"

"I don't even know." Beca deadpanned.

"Look alive Beca, here comes the recon team!" Amy said, ignoring Beca's obvious lack of enthusiasm.

With a sigh, Beca looked ahead and sure enough, Jessica, Ashley, and Denise, sorry, the RECON team, were stealthily making their way back to the truck that Beca was at. Quirking an eyebrow at their excited smiles and incessant giggling, Beca once more questioned her judgement in agreeing to go on this insane trip. Really, what was to be gained by pieing all of the Trebles? What?

Also, now adding the whole odd Amy behavior at Bumper's mention, Beca was once more questioning the decision to join Amy on this scheme. Aubrey had expressively forbade them from going, stating that such was 'dishonorable, ridiculous, and tarnished the Bella name'. Whatever. Beca just thought it was dumb, and now she was here to piss Aubrey off... Though now, Amy was pissing HER off. Aca-fucking lovely. SHit, did she just aca something? Fucking even better. This night fucking sucked.

Barely listening as the 'recon team' (Three giggling girls) gave Amy all of her requested 'Intel' (whether or not the Trebles were in their house, where they were, etc), Beca looked down at her watch. The little green digital numbers showed that it was already 8:47. Just great. She had to be at the station soon. Amy needed to hurry the hell up if she wanted her to help.

"Alright flat butts," Amy said, gathering everyone in a huddle "So this is it. We do this like the aboriginals. Standard ligggitakkihiterman In, out, and gone before they even know what hit them! We clear?"

"You know Amy, in western society, we call that a blitzkrieg," Beca smirked, ignoring the shocked looks everyone gave her.

What? Her dad was a COLLEGE lit professor. Even though she never cared to even listened to him and thought that he was a complete prick, she still picked a few things up over the years. Its kinda hard not too... Plus she remembered what a blitzkrieg was because it was fun to say. What? Say it in a funny German accent, and see if you don't laugh!

"Well whatever!" Amy huffed, "Bella's on three!"

"Wait, on three or after three?" Jessica asked.

"Yeah, are we singing then too, or is it just like 'HOOOH! Bellas!' thing?" Denise asked.

"You know what, let's just do this!" Beca sighed, "Please? I have to be back at the station soon."

"Fine, let's go!" Amy huffed, "Everyone grab a box, let's move out!"

"OI! FLAT BUT BRAVO TEAM!" Amy shouted, causing Beca to wince, "HIT'S A GO! LET'S MOVE!"

"Please tell me what the point of us being stealthy if all you were going to do was bellow out commands?" Beca asked, pulling a box of pies off of the truck, "Because to me, this just looks like one massive waste of time. But hey, that's just me, and probably everyone else in the world, but it would be cool if you could try and explain why we sat in the woods when al you were going to do was yell. We have phones you know, you could have just called Stacie. Probably much quieter... Just saying though."

"Shut it basic!" Amy ordered, "Now let's move!"

Deciding that playing along with whatever delusional plan Amy had concocted would be more expedient then arguing with logic, Beca simply dutifully carried a rather large box of pies with her through the woods to the Treble house. After a solid ten minute trek through the campus woods, the lights of the house were finally visible. Crawling into position, Beca waited by one of the windows Amy had assured her would be unlocked until the signal was given... Basically Amy ringing the door bell and pieing whoever opened the door. Then she would open said window and bombard pies in. Yeah, not the best plan, but whatever. It wasn't her plan. She was just following orders.

Crouching down, Beca waited with baited breath as she heard Amy ring the doorbell. From her position, she could hear the Trebles arguing inside about who had to open the door. Smirking when she heard Bumper order Jesse to open the door, Beca took a pie out and waited for all hell to break loose. Hearing the front door open, Beca practically buzzed with excitement. What? Throwing pies at people is fun, no matter what the circumstance or previous shit happened leading up to it.

"Amy?" Beca heard Jesse ask, "What are you-"

Jesse was cut off as Amy smashed a pie in his face.

"ATTAAAAAACK!" Amy shrieked, charging into the Treble house, holding a pie in each hand.

Jumping up, Beca flung the window open without a hitch and launched a pie into the house, not even bothering to see who she hit. Grabbing another pie, Beca laughed as she heard the terrified squeals of Bumper, the angry shouts from Amy, and the squeals of laughter from the rest of the Bellas. Looking through the window, Beca saw Amy chasing Bumper wit a pie. Already, there was a bunch of smashed and thrown pies around the house, and it looked like many of the Trebles had already taken a direct hit.

With a splat, a piece of pie hit Beca directly in the face. Shocked, Beca could only gape as Jesse grinned at her cheekily, already scooping some pie off of the ground. Quickly recovering, Beca launched her pie and hit him square in the face. Ducking back down, Beca saw a handful of gooey pie fly out of the window, right where her head was only moments ago.

"Oh, its so on bitch," Beca growled.

Grabbing another pie, Beca peered back up in the window. Searching for her next target, Beca was tempted to hit Jesse again, but what fun would that be? Anyway, he was busy throwing pie chunks at Jessica. Looking around, Beca's smirk suddenly widened. Amy was still chasing Bumper around, but it looked like she was getting tired of 'vertical running' and Bumper was getting close to the door. Right now, it would only be polite to help a sister out, right? Carefully aiming, Beca let her pie fly. Her aim was true, and with a howl, Bumper fell to the ground, cupping his crotch as Beca' pie hit him squarely in the junk. Laughing, Beca watched as Amy stood over him with her pie.

"YOU TWO TIMING BASTARD!" Amy roared, "I'm going to finish you like a cheesecake now!"

"No wait, please, muffin cake" Bumper begged, "You wouldn't hurt me, would you baby?"

"Oh yes, I would," Amy smirked and then literally smashed her pie right into Bumper's face, "And you totally deserved that you two faced, dingo whore, urban pansycaked, flibbertyorkingalin cheater bitch!"

Laughing so hard at Amy's creative insults and Bumper's absolutely shocked and slightly pained face, Beca, almost lost her footing and fell down. Quickly righting herself, Beca launched the rest of the pies, while also successfully landing a hit on Donald's ass as he and Stacie tried to sneak out together. Once she had exhausted her supply of pie, Beca took a second to admire the sheer pandemonium that was going on in the house.

Bella's and Trebles had organized themselves on either side of the main room and were currently launching hunks of pie at each other. Hiding behind an overturned sofa, the Bella's actually had a very organized attack going on, standing in columns and throwing, hiding and reloading while the other column did the same. The boys on the other hand were just throwing pie as they could, no sense of rhyme or reason. That would be boys for you though. Shaking her head, Beca glanced down at her watch.

Shit, there she only had ten minutes to get to the station and start her shift. And she fucking had pie in her hair. Dammit. Taking one last look in, Beca saw all of the Bella's (minus the captains) all laughing, throwing pie. Right now, Beca was the only one not there. As Stacie nailed Unicycle in the chest with a hunk of what looked like Cherry pie, Beca made her mind up.

Climbing into the window, Beca took her place with the rest of the Bella's in nailing the Trebles with pie. She'd have to deal with shit from Luke and Aubrey tomorrow, but today she was going to enjoy herself.

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**Aaaaaaand cut! So how was that mortals? Rizzlesmylies, did I d good enough for you babe? I liked this chapter, hope you did to baby Xxx**

**Chap 5 guest, you're next, followed by the lovely cxcxcx386 :) Authors, please, someone send me SOMTHING I can put in this. DOn't et me stand alone against the stupid cliches that is Valentines Day!**


	8. Songs of Failure

**Greetings aca-mortals! Who's ready to kick offf another day of Bullshit week? WOOT WOO! Lonely singles train is off! Now who's on board? :) PS, thanks for bearing with me yesterday guys. A mixture of severe lack of sleep, three bags of skittles and laughing at pathetic romance will do things to a person XD**

**Guest prompt was "Can u have beca have a bad day and the way she deals with it is singing whisper to a scream and then have everyone walk in in her doing this and there reactions to it." Why does everyone ask me if I can do something? I'm fucking King Alex. I fucking wrestle kangaroos and Tigers simultaneously. Screw crocodile and dingos! Lol, mate I got you.**

**I own nothing. it sucks but its true, but I say this so motherfuckers can't sue!**

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Beca stormed into the the auditorium, slamming the door behind her. Letting out a frustrated scream, Beca aimed a kick at one of the trashcans. Stupid fucking school, stupid fucking parents, stupid fucking everyone! UGH! Her father was such a dick. So what she didn't have straight A's? He should just be happy that she hadn't moved to LA the second she could. No, instead, she tried to do the right thing and she stayed behind for the Bella's and to try and have a relationship with her fucking prick of a father. And NOW, all she gets for it is constant lecture, late nights making set lists and a bunch of shitty college classes. Last fucking time she EVER does the 'right' thing. Fuck it, she was SO going to LA at the end of this year.

Slamming a chair down, Beca tried to calm down. Shit, she was just mad now because her father was a complete ad utter prick who deserved t rot in hell. Yeah, probs it. She shouldn't be taking this out on the Bella's and acting like an aca-nazi. That was something she'd promised Aubrey she would NOT do when she got the pitch pipe. Thinking back, Beca shook her head in wonder. Aubrey had done the same thing Beca was doing, only with three times the classes, an even more prickier of a father, and still aced everything. Even more proof she was a robot not a person.

Humming to herself, Beca smiled a bit. At least it was Friday, right? As she contained to set up the practice room, Beca started singing softly.

Here comes, comes the weekend  
Hear it calling like a siren oh oh  
We don't want no problems  
We don't like them, keep it moving

Here comes the weekend  
Set off your sirens oh oh  
Here comes the weekend  
Set off your sirens oh oh

Rolling the whiteboard over to the circle of chairs, Beca began to sing a little louder. What? She liked this song, and hell, no one was here. It would be a solid ten minutes until an of the Bella's arrived, so she was safe to sing as loud as she wanted. Really getting into the song, Beca started to dance a little bit and added a little bit of a swagger to her step.

I just wanna play, big city, holiday  
So get out of my way  
If you know what's better for you  
I'm tearing up the night  
Lipstick and leather tight  
Not looking for a fight no oh oh

High heels and cherry wine  
Not wasting any time  
We're ticking like a bomb  
About to blow oh oh

Completely absorbed in the song, Beca didn't notice Stacie and CR walk in. Quickly, Stacie and CR hid behind the Bleachers to watch their captain belt one out, stifling giggles. Well, CR was the one sort of laughing, Stacie looked like she was trying not the jump Beca then and there, but hey, That's all in the little details no one gives a shit about.

Bobbing her head and doing a bit of a moonwalk, Beca continued to sing, completely oblivious to her new audience. As Lily walked in, Stacie grabbed her and pulled her int the shadows so that Beca wouldn't notice anything. Pulling out her phone, Stacie began to record Beca as she jumped into the chorus.

Here comes, comes the weekend  
Hear it calling like a siren oh oh  
We don't look for trouble,  
Just enough to seeing double

Here comes the weekend  
Set off your sirens oh oh  
Here comes the weekend  
Set off your sirens oh oh

Drink some pink champagne  
I don't know you yet  
But we'll forget so  
Fuck what they say  
Let the rum flow until it rains oh oh  
I'm tearing up the night  
Lipstick and leather tight  
Not looking for a fight no oh oh

Dancing, Beca was completely lost in the moment, not noticing Amy enter the room. Laughing loudly, but not loudly enough to catch Beca's attention, Amy joined Stacie and CR in watching their captain make a complete ass of herself.

High heels and cherry wine  
Not wasting any time  
We're ticking like a bomb  
About to blow oh oh

Here comes, comes the weekend  
Hear it calling like a siren eh oh eh oh  
We don't look for trouble,  
Just enough to seeing double

Here comes the weekend  
Set off your sirens oh oh  
Here comes the weekend  
Set off your sirens oh oh

Really into the next verses, Beca didn't even hear Jessica, Denise, and Ashely walk in. Quickly, Stacie motioned for them to join the rest of the Bella's in watching Beca sing and dance, something she never did unless it was the set list. Practically squealing with excitement, Jessica brought her phone up and called up Aubrey. Answering the video chat, Aubrey's face could be seen in the screen. Turning the phone around so that Aubrey could see what was going on, Aubrey's jaw literally dropped as Beca launched into the rap. While Jessica did that, Denise did the same with Chloe, though Chloe's reaction was similar to Stacie's. Though, thankfully, he refrained from groping herself as Stacie was now doing, after handing her phone off to CR.

Stopping and beginning to break dance a little, Beca was blissfully unaware that now all of the Bella's were watching her. Pimp walk, hand gestures and everything, Beca was all in it.

Nothing high class in my glass  
Only bottles of pop  
My bottles are popped so when I pop up in the spot  
I'm probably not gonna be wanting to pop bubbly or Ciroc  
I'm not Puffy but I'ma run this city tonight  
When I hit it, I might act like a frickin' idiot  
Diddy mixed with a medieval knight, big city lights  
Little indignity, hot diggity  
This Biggie is gettin' me hype  
I don't get some liquor, I'll hurt you  
I'll knock a dick in the dirt, bickerin' worse  
Than that bitch in that Snickers commercial  
A mixture of Stiffler and Urkel  
Hangin' from the light fixture  
I hope you pricks are insured for this building  
'Cause we're tearin' it down, security get out  
The frickin' way, Jesus Chrysler LeBaron it's loud  
I swear the only thing I hear is the sound  
Of sirens going eeeeeh cause...

Here comes the weekend  
Set off your sirens oh oh  
Here comes the weekend  
Set off your sirens oh oh

Oh oh

Here comes the weekend  
Set off your sirens  
Here comes the weekend  
Set off your sirens oh oh

Finishing strong, Beca landed a perfect split and made the "suck it" gesture to the air. Looking quite pleased with herself, Beca stood up and smiled. However turning around, Beca finally saw all of the Bella's huddled behind the bleachers. Paling, Beca's face literally drained of all color, and she looked like she was about to faint.

"Oi, Capt, are you adding that to the set list?" Amy hollared, walking out, "Because that was pretty impressive. Not quite as impressive as me wrestling Dingos and crocodiles simultaneously, but still pretty goo."

"Oh defs," Stacie said walking out , "VERY impressive Shorty. Wanna show us again?"

"Reign it in Stacie!" Chloe yelled from the phone, "She's mine!"

"Shit, Chloe you saw that too?" Beca asked, looking like she wanted to die.

"Yep, and it was SO hot," Chloe smirked.

"Seriously Chloe?" Aubrey called, "Was that necessary?"

"FUCK" Beca cursed, "Please tell me that isn't Aubrey."

"Alright, its your former captain you named the aca-nazi," Aubrey smirked.

Blanching even further, Beca wished the earth would just open up right now and swallow her. Fucking hell, of course this would happen. THE ONE day she did something stupid was the ONE fucking day all the Bella's came early. Every other day, everyone was late, but today they were early? You know what, fuck her, fuck a moose, and fuck the her bag, Beca walked out the door.

""OI!" Amy yelled, "What about practice?"

"Cancelled indefinitely," Beca yelled back, not even looking back.

* * *

**AAAAAAND CUT! guys, sorry this is so late, but hey, as have said before, do actually have a ife. I'm in the Northeast of US, and we got slammed with a huge snowstorm, so was out all day digging the fucking farm out. UGH! not fun. Hopefully, I'll update a few more times before midnight though :)**

**On to my aca-mortals now!**

**Chap7 guest: Fiiiiiiiiiiiiine... You irk me though. Fucking Jeca... merp :)**

**Chap5Guest: no probs mate! Hopefully V-day is going to be a little less shitty now :)**

**Rizzlesmylies: babe, don't hate the player, hate the game ;) lol, I'm very sorry you hurt yourself even though I had no control over the fact you're the failure not me :) lol, but I'll still kiss it better babe. And sorry, everything has been put on hold until the end of BS week. After this week, everythig goes back to normal :)**

**MusicPaddicFreak: Thank mate :) Hope I did well enough for you!**

**BardenBellaBeca: Sure thing. It will go on the list :)**

**To everyone else: After tomorrow, i can accept no more prompts. I'm goign to finish out all of the ones on the list, and then BS week will officially be over :)**


	9. Meet Mr Furry

**Greetings aca-bitches! Woo hoo and all that shit. I already said everything a couple hours ago. So Erm, yeah. Let's just crush this.**

**cxcxcx386: mate, your prompt is up. For those of you who don't know, its Beca scaring Aubrey with her pet lizard. **

**I own Nothing.**

* * *

"Are you sure about this Beca?" Aubrey asked nervously for the upteenth time in the past five minutes, "Because really, its fine. I can stay in my own dorm. I' a big girl and constant companionship is not-"

"Oh my god Bree," Beca sighed, "Seriously? Its fine. Chloe told me to watch you this week to make sure you don't go crazy studying, even though there aren't any major tests for the next month or two-"

"So?" Aubrey countered, "I need to keep up my GPA. Finals are very serious, and constant preparation is necessary for -"

"And this is why yorr spending the weekend with me," Beca smirked, "As much as I know you loves school, because I know you do ,like more then life, its not everything. Life isn't just about books Bree! You know, there are these green woody tings. We call them trews. They're what your books are made out of. Also, there are these great things we call lakes-"

"I know what trees are!" Aubrey snapped, "My father was a military man and every month we would go camping on Hawk mountain-"

"Oh my God, please, no sad depressing stories about forced camping trips," Beca said, pulling into the driveway of her father's house, "Because really, all it does is make me be like 'I blew soda cans up when I was 12' and really it depresses me. I'm sorry I wasn't the over achiever you were. Now, we're here, I'll show you the guest room, and can we please try and not speak to my father?"

"very well," Aubrey said, getting out of the car, "However, like I said, I do not require-"

"OH MY GOD!" Beca sighed, slamming the door shut, "I KNOW! What if I said I wanted you here?"

"Then I'd say you were a liar," Aubrey deadpanned.

"Well fine then," Beca huffed, unlocking the door, "Now, seriously. PLEASE, don't even talk to my dad. He's a nosy prick, and if at all avoidable, can we please not talk to him? Just head up the stairs, and I'll join you shortly. And I swear to god, if you make a fucking short joke, I'll murder you in your sleep."

"Very well," Aubrey nodded, showing her understanding, "I shall see you shortly then... shorty."

Before Beca even had a chance to respond, Aubrey had already slipped inside and was heading up the stairs as per Beca's request. Coming up to a hallway, Aubrey set her bag down and waited for Beca to come up. Below, she could hear what sounded like a muttered argument. However, honestly, not to sound callous, but Aubrey really couldn't care less about Beca's issues. If Beca wanted to talk, she would. No need to see trouble when there was none to be had. Beca knew of Aubrey's open door policy, and if she ever needed anything, Aubrey would be there. Until then though, she wouldn't pry. She would respect Beca's privacy as she would want others to do.

True to her word though, about five minutes later, Beca trudged up the stairs. Seeing Aubrey waiting for her, she quickly wiped the scowl off of her face and plastered a slightly happier look on.

"You good?" Beca asked.

"Indeed, yourself?" Aubrey asked in return.

"My dad is a dick,but that's nothing new, so yeah, I'm good," Beca said honestly, "Now, let's show you to your room, where the bathroom is, and where my room is, kay?"

"Excellent, thank you Beca," Aubrey said politely, picking her own bag up.

Walking down the hallway, Beca banged on each door, saying what was behind. Finally getting to two doors facing each other, Beca stopped, and stood gestured to the door on the right.

"Alright, that's your room for the next two days. This household is a study free zone, so I would like it if you could respect that," Beca smirked, "I'm across the way, so just knock if you need anything. If my dad tries to talk to you, just ignore him. That's what I do anyway."

"Very well," Aubrey said, opening the door, "So what am I suppose to do this weekend?"

"I dunno. Do a capella shit, or whatever it is you do. Chloe just expressively told me to not let you be a in her words, 'not be a boring and studious student who stays inside all the time'. Honestly, I'd rather not piss the ginger off," Beca shrugged before turning away and going into her own room.

With a sigh, Aubrey picked her bag up and opened the door to the guest room. It was a pretty standard room, bed in one corner, bureau on the opposite wall, and nice pale yellow colored walls. Setting her bag down next the the bureau, Aubrey sighed. Why did she agree to this? Oh, right, because as Beca said, she didn't want to anger Chloe. As happy as the girl seemed, she could be quite frightening when angry, and disappointing her was like disappointing a puppy. Shit just wasn't cool.

Quickly unpacking, Aubrey was surprised when she heard a knock at the door. Walking over, Aubrey politely asked who it was first before opening the door. Beca had requested that she not to speak with her father, and Aubrey would respect Beca's wishes if at all possible. Upon hearing Beca's voice however, Aubrey opened the door and her jaw literally dropped at the sight in front of her.

Beca hadn't changed. She was still in her signature plaid, still had her usual skinny jeans on. What was different though. was the massive lizard on her shoulder. Walking in, Beca didn't seem to notice Aubrey's complete and utter shock.

"Hey Bree," Beca said, breezing in, "Just wondering how you're settling in."

"I um... uh.. well... uh," Aubrey stammered.

"YOu alright Aubrey?" Beca asked, concerned, walking closer.

Taking a step back, realizations suddenly dawned in Beca's eyes. Laughing, Beca reached back and pet the rather large reptile on her shoulders.

"Oh, you don't like Mr. Furry?" Beca laughed, "He's harmless, I swear. I've had him for God, like 15 years now, and he's never harmed a fly. Well, actually, he's eaten flies before, but you get the point."

"Mr. Furry?" Aubrey asked incredulously, "How in the world does that even work?"

"Hey, cut me some slack!" Beca huffed, "I was three when named him."

"Well, that's lovely," Aubrey said, "However, I have settled in just fine, and you may leave now."

"Oh, Bree, you don't want to spend time with me and Mr. Furry?" Beca smirked, "Because I think Mr. Furry would like it if you held him. You know what, I think you should too."

"Get that thing away fro me!" Aubrey shrieked, backing up, "For serious Beca, get back!"

"Aww, bigg bad aca-captain doesn't like wittle bitty Mr. Furry?" Beca teased, walking closer.

"No, I do not" Aubrey snapped, "Now get back!"

"How about... no!" Beca said cheekily, "Give r. Furry a kiss ad maybe I'll leave."

"Beca," Aubrey growled, "If you do not leave right now, I'll have you running laps for the next year."

"Too bad you're graduating before next year!" Beca said, walking even closer.

Back pressed against the wall, Aubrey stared warily at the large lizard on Beca's shoulder. Through out this entire exchange, Mr. Furry as beca had so ironically named him, had not moved at all. He kinda just sat there, draped across Beca's tiny shoulders, impassive to all the going arounds. And you know what? Maybe he was harmless. That's lovely. He probably was. Aubrey just didn't like reptiles. It was a thing, alright? Don't judge! She could do frogs, dogs, birds, and everything else. She just didn't do reptiles.

Now only about three feet away, Beca and more importantly Mr. Furry were much to close for comfort fro Aubrey.

"What's wrong Aubrey?" Not a reptile person?" Beca laughed, "I don't see why not."

"Shut it Mitchell," Aubrey snapped, "Now please, just leave! If nothing else, please just move back."

"Why should I?" Beca smirked, taking a small step forwards.

"Please Beca!" Aubrey pleaded, "I really hate reptiles. It's a thing, okay?"

"Just touch his side, and I'll go," Beca smirked, "I promise he won't bite."

"For serious Beca!" Aubrey growled, "If you do not back up RIGHT NOW I will set the aca-wolves on you!"

"Is that so?" Beca laughed, not moving, "Well, let's pit the aca-wolves against Mr. Furry."

"Shove it Beca!" Aubrey snapped, "Just go!"

"Not until you pet Mr. Furry!" Beca smirked, "You're hurting his feelings."

Glaring at Beca, Aubrey channeled all of her hate at the younger girl. Standing her ground, Beca just crossed her arms and had that maddening smirk on her face. Letting out a sigh, Beca just raised a single eyebrow challengingly. Gritting her teeth, Aubrey slowly raised a single hand. Very slowly, Aubrey moved her hand to Mr. Furry's side. Just before she touched him though, Beca lurched forwards and yelled, scaring the shit out of Aubrey.

Jumping back, slamming her head into the wall, Aubrey screamed. Before she had a chance to recover though, Beca was already on her way out of the room, laughing loudly. Standing against the wall, Aubrey willed her breathing to go back to normal. Once she was calmed down, Aubrey growled. Oh, Beca was going to be SO dead.

* * *

**Alright Aca-mortals! I'm done now. See, I didn't do the and cut thingy. I've notced I have like patterns and shit i do, which isn't cool. Be an individual and be UNPREDICTABLE XD lol, I am SO fucking tired right now, its just not even funny XD Please just bare with me. BardenBellaBeca, your prompt is next, followed by Chap 7 guest.  
**


	10. Let's Go Camping

**Greetings Mortals So, I'm very sorry my updates are coming in so late, but in my defence, I'm literally at my workplace, spending all day shoveling fucking snow and carrying feed to horses all day. But on that note, Happy Single's Awareness Day! Everyone painfully aware how single they are? Well, everyone, instead of being out finding myself someone to keep me some sweet company, I'm here writing this. Be thankful. And hey, tomorrow, its 50% off of teddy bears and chocolate! See? There always a silver lining :) plus, this is officially ten chapters of complete and utter Bullshit. Anyone else questioning why the hell they're following this yet? Cuz I'm still wondering why I'm writing this. Eh, I guess 5000 reads can't be argued with though :) Thank you all so much!  
**

**BardenBellaBeca, first, big fan :) Thanks for reading. Second, her prompt was You should do one where Aubrey calls all the Bellas together on an important date night for most of them for a Bonding Experience in the woods. You know what? I think I should do that too.**

**Happy V-day aca-bitches.**

* * *

"Alright bitches!" Aubrey yelled, "This weekend for our Bella Bonding night, we're going camping. Everyone, I will send a packing list out and I expect everyone to be here at seven PM sharp. Everyone will be expected to attend unless there is an extreme extenuating circumstance. No, a boy and or girl emergency does not count, no, a sudden burst of musical inspiration doesn't count, and no, any form of random, Tasmanian rituals will count as a good reason either. Serious family emergencies, ie dying relatives, serious personal health concerns, do count, however, I need concrete proof before hand if you wish to be exempted from this. Have I made myself clear?"

"Are you actually serious right now?" Beca asked, "Because there is no way in hell I'm going to spend this weekend in the fucking woods."

"PLEEEEEEEASE Becs?" Chloe asked, before Aubrey and Beca started World War 3, "Camping is fun! Plus, I'll reward you later!"

"Oh my god, seriously Chloe?" Aubrey sighed, " Could you please just keep your toner in your pants for ONE practice?"

"Nope!" Chloe chirped, "I mean, come on, have you seen my girlfriend? she's freaking perf!"

"Oh my gosh!" Stacie cooed, "You guys are so cute!'

"I am not cute!" Beca snapped.

"Oh yes, you are." Stacie laughed.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Not!"

"Totes are!"

"AM NOT!"

Hey babe?" Chloe said breaking, up the childish arguing, "Yeah, you kinda are."

'Thanks Beale, thanks for having my back," Beca pouted, "You're suppose to be on my side here!"

"EVERYONE!" Aubrey yelled, "Please, attention back to the task at hand! Camping this weekend everyone. Beca, that includes you. Also, I expect you to bring everything on the packing list. I will not share a tent because someone was so stupid as to forget their tent!"

"Wait you said, nothing about tents!" Amy complained, "I don't know how I feel about this captain. I'm all for camping, really, I am. but I don't like tents, and I prefer to have a TV and warm bed, when I go out to the woods."

"How is that...? You know what? I don't even care. Everyone, be here at 4 with all necessary camping supplies," Aubrey sighed, "So until then, practice is dismissed."

Everyone still grumbling, Aubrey glared at everyone as they filed out. So maybe this wasn't going to be everyone's favorite bonding night, but too fucking bad. They could deal with it. Plus, camping was fun, or at least Aubrey thought so. It would be a good bonding experience, and they would all have fun. Eventually. She hoped. You know what? Maybe this wasn't going to be her best idea... oh well. Plans had already been made, and she was just going to crush this. She hoped. Like really really hoped.w

With a sigh, Aubrey grabbed her purse and walked back to her dorm room. She had a lot of work before this weekend.

* * *

It had only been TEN minutes. Ten fucking minutes, and already Aubrey was regretting her decision to take everyone out. Thus far, Amy spilled her pack, and from it, a rather dubious smelling bag filled with what looked like weed fell out, Beca was already wining about the lack of internet access, and from her precursory look through everyone's supplies, it looked like everyone just kinda guessed on what to bring rather then consulting the well thought out and rather comprehensive list Aubrey had put together. Lovely. Just abso-aca-fucking-lutelly lovely. If she survived this weekend, it would be the last time she ever took these girls camping.

"Oi, Blondie!" Amy yelled, "So how far away is this campsite?"

"Its only three miles away," Aubrey sighed, "If we can maintain a reasonable-"

"THREE MILES?" Amy yelled, while she rest gave a collective groan, "Are you trying to kill us?"

"No, it is on a trail, and relatively easy," Aubrey sighed. "Everyone, grab your packs, we're going. NOW!"

With a sigh, Aubrey took her place at the rear of the line, encouraging when necessary, yelling when she had to. At the current rate they were going, it would take them over six hours to reach the campsite. Completely unacceptable. With a sigh, Aubrey ordered Amy to walk faster. Again. You know, she remembered camping being much more fun as a kid. Was it really that bad?

She didn't think so, but then again, she took that cardio tip , only a mile out and having already been on the trail for two hours, Aubrey was almost tempted to call it quits. Everyone was trudging along at the slowest pace imaginable, and everyone demanded a break ever ten minutes. On one such break, Ashley's pack strap broke, so now, her supplies were distributed amongst everyone else's packs. Surprisingly the only two not bothering her right now were Beca and Chloe... Well, Chloe wasn't surprising. it was Beca that surprised her. Distantly, Aubrey wondered how much Chloe was bribing her to be good. You know what? Actually, she didn't want to know.

"Hey capt," Stacie said, walking over, "So how far out are we?"

"One mile," Aubrey grunted, to irked to try and be polite.

"Oh, only one more mile?" Stacie said happily, "I can-"

"No Stacie, we've only hiked one mile," Aubrey sighed, "We still have two more miles to go."

"Seriously?" Stacie asked, jaw dropping, "But we-"

"That's just how it is Stacie!" Aubrey snapped.

"Woah chill out Bree," Stacie huffed.

Not bothering to answer the younger girl, Aubrey just stood up. She DID NOT have the patience right now to deal with that. You know, right now, turning around and just going to a bar sounded REALLY good right now. Actually, just any alcohol right now sounded really good. Anything that would make her less aware of the constant stream of complaints sounded really good right now.

"Alright everyone! Let's move out!" Aubrey roared, "One mile down, two to go! Hurry up everyone! I do NOT want to be hiking in the dark!"

"Aww, come on Cap," Amy groaned, "Can't we just make camp here? I don't wanna hike anymore. This is cruel and unusual punishment. Aren't you Americans like against that or something?"

"Yeah, Amy's right!" CR added, "This hike blows. Can we just sleep now and then go home?"

"I agree." Lily whispered, though her comment was unnoted, "But I can start the fire so we can offer sacrifice to Urkant."

"So you all wish to make camp here, on the middle of the trail?" Aubrey asked incredulously.

"Sure, why not?" Beca said, plopping her stuff down. Camp now, and head out tomorrow after another long forced march."

"Let's tone down the dramatics a notch!" Aubrey sighed, "It was not a forced march!"

"Yeah, whatever," Beca sighed, "Can we please just camp here though?"

For a second, Aubrey was tempted to tell everyone to get up and keep walking, but what good would that do? Obviously no one wanted to hike, so what was the point? Sure camping on the trail was unorthodox and rather rude, but Aubrey had had it with this fucking complaining. Dropping her own pack, Aubrey sighed, ignoring the shouts of celebration from everyone else.

"Alright aca-bitches," Aubrey sighed, "Everyone, make camp. Lily, can you get a fire started? And Amy, CR, and Stacie, your on wood duty. No, that was not an innuendo Stace. That means get logs out of the forest, alright? Everyone else, please work on getting your tent set up."

Branching off, everyone went about getting things ready. Pulling out her small military green tent, Aubrey quickly and efficiently pitched her tent and got her gear into order. Looking over, Aubrey resisted the urge to face palm. The only one eight now even close to having a tent up was Chloe, and that was because Aubrey had spent an entire summer teaching her how to do so. Beca was staring dumbly at the poles, and Denise, Ashely, and Jessica were in a tangled mess of canvas. With a sigh, Aubrey went over to them first. On the bright side though, Lily had a nice fire going already.

Half an hour later, all of the tents were pitched, there was a large fire going, and everyone was getting settled in. Crawling out of her own tent, Aubrey surveyed the scene before her, and was happy to note that everyone was settling in nicely. Chloe and Beca were notably absent though otherwise, everything looked good. Digging around in her pack, Aubrey smiled when she pulled out a large bag of jumbo marshmallows. So they were not the healthiest snack, however, Aubrey had a feeling this was just the pick me up everyone needed.

As Chloe and Beca walked back into camp, Aubrey crawled out of her tent and brought the marshmallows with her. Calling everyone attention to her, Aubrey smirked when she heard Amy's triumphant hoot and saw everyone else's smiles. Looks like her instincts were right on fro this one.

"Alight, everyone what to gather around the fire?" Aubrey asked, "We can all-"

"Dear god, please tell me we aren't going to sing campfire songs or shit like that," Beca groaned.

"I was going to say tell ghost stories, but we could do that," Aubrey smirked.

"Oh dude, I got this," Beca smirked, her attitude suddenly changing.

Plopping down, Beca got comfortable on one of the larger logs while everyone got situated. Once everyone was finally gathered around the fire and behind them, the sun was beginning to set, Beca began her tale.

"So, it was 1978 when these two teens went out to the woods for a little alone time. Both were good kids, you know, all American kids. The boy's name was Ash Forman, and the girl's name was Sky Bailey." Beca began "At the time, there was a well known serial killer on the loose. Known as the Hawk Mountain Ripper, this man was vicious. So brutal, and so ruthless, that his first kill was originally thought to have been a bear attack."

"So lemme guess, killer comes, kills and now we have haunted spirits here?" Stacie smirked, "Real original Mitchell."

"Shove it Conrad!" Beca countered, "Let me tell my story!"

Settling back down. everyone gave the small DJ their undivided attention once more.

"So yeah, Stacie, your right. The Ripper had targeted these kids. Before anyone even knew what had happened, the Ripper bounded out of the trees and with a single swipe of his axe, he chopped the boys head off, clean. But see, here's the twist of fate. The girl? Sky? She was a track camp, and you know, this isn't a movie, this was real life. She got away and reported the murder. However, she was really broken up over this. I mean, her and Ash were engaged! So she didn't want this prick to just rot in jail, no she wanted to kill the bastard herself. Taking her father's shot gun, she went BACK into these woods to hunt the guy down. Searching these woods for weeks, she finally found the guy';s camp. Hiding in a tree, Sky waited in the tree until the man returned. However, unbeknownst to her, the Ripper had seen her when she stumbled upon his camp. So, not watcing her back. the Ripper was able to creep closer, and closer to the girl, ready to take his net victim. Right when he was behind her-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAH! RAAAAAAWWWWR!" Chloe suddenly bounded into the campsite, waving a stick around.

That result was instantaneous. Amy shot up, screaming. Ashley and Denise fell down shrieking, And Stacie was currently being covered by CR. Laughing, Aubrey almost fell off of her seat, and Beca looked to be having the same issue. Standing in the middle of the firelight, Chloe was laughing hysterically. Actually, it almost bordered on maniacal.

Around her, Everyone was scrambling to recover, as the truth of the situation dawned on them. Noticing the murderous glares they were receiving, Aubrey hurried to pull the marshmallows out. Shit hopefully they weren't to mad about that... Passing the bag around, Aubrey sighed in relief as the angry glares turned into good natured chuckles.

Smiling, Aubrey looked around the glow of the fire and her heart warmed at the sight. Everyone was joking around and poking fun at each other. Everyone was laughing, and the smiles on their faces were absolutely priceless. Sure they weren't the ten bikini ready bodied girls Aubrey had wanted, but you know what? At times like this, she was quite content with the new Bellas.

* * *

**AAAAAAND CUT! So, I know this is late, but I'm sorry guys. I'm really tired XD**

**So, no more prompts guys. I'm sorry :( I'm going to finish up on all of the prompts on the list, and then I will wrap Bullshit Week 2014 up :)**

** On to my aca-bitches now.**

**Guest: I got you. You prompt is the last one, so be happy :)**

**Rizzlesmylies: Oh babe, P!nk is the shit. And I've got a few tricks I can show you babe. Ill kiss everything better ;) And I'm looking forwards to it Xx**

**cxcxcx: No probs mate! Glad you liked it :)**

**Guest: Can and will do. Hopefully It will be out tomorrow.**


	11. Stupid Fucking Jeca

**I am unhappy right now. No greeting for you guest who prompted this chapter. Who even likes Jeca anyway? Oh wells. Since you were vague about what you wanted (Literally just make a Jeca chapter) this is the best I can shit out for you mate. Sorry that its ridiculously short. Thank god the next prompt was a vague Mitchsen one. Has to be V-day besed, but otherwise, I have nothing else to go with. Anyone want it to just be PWP? Leave a review and tell me :)**

**Oh, and I was wrong. I can take ONE more prompt. So who's going to be the lucky bastard?**

* * *

Beca sighed, already rather bored. Only ten minutes into the two hour movie, Beca had managed to figure the plot out and already had a good guess as to ow this was going to end. Guy was going to get the girl, but then he would realize said girl was wrong for him and then go back to best friend who was clearly pining over him. So. Fucking. Predictable. Romantic comedies were the worst. Speaking of which. Why the hell were they even watching a fucking chick flick? What sane guy liked romantic comedies? Oh, right. Jesse did, because they had good scores or something like that. She loved the guy, really she did. I mean, she was dating him and all, but seriously? Romantic comedies? Was Jesse like secretly gay or something?

"Beca?" Jesse asked quietly, "Are you aright?"

"Hm?" Beca asked, looking up, "Yeah, why?"

"You have the 'I already figured the ending out and now I'm bored face' on," Jesse said simply, "You know, if you don't want to, we don' have to watch this movie. Or any movie really. We can just talk or whatever."

"No, it's fine," Beca said, trying to look at least semi interested in the movie, "You like movies and plus, I like just laying here next to you. You're really warm and comfy Jesse. Oh, and that sounds like a very long nae for just a facial expression. I prefer to call it my typical movie face. Much easier to say."

"First, you don't have to do something just because I want to do it. I'm really happy you'd sit through a movie just for me, but really, if you're bored, we can do something more fun," Jesse said, "And you know, your right about the face thingy. The only time your ever even remotely interested in a movie is when its like one of your childhood movies. Who knew Badass Beca Mitchell really was a closet Disney freak?"

"A, I'm watching a movie because I really just like spending time with you. Except when your being an ass like you are right now," Beca yawned, snuggling closer into Jesse's shoulder, "B, that just sounded super queerballs, so never repeat that or else I will end you. C, I'm too tired to do anything that might be classified as more fun. And then finally D, I am not a closet Disney freak. I just so happen to enjoy the movies I grew up with. Simply because they just so happen to be Disney movies doesn't mean shit. And anyway, the Lion King is the shit Jesse. Who doesn't fucking love Simba? Though his name is actually really dumb. Its literally Swahili for Lion. SO unoriginal, but whatever. Timone and Pumba are cool."

Jesse just stared at Beca, a fond smile on his face. Though she vehemently denied it, she really was just adorable. Especially when she was snuggled up next to him, mumbling complaints about Disney movies. For not the first time, Jesse wondered how he got so lucky. Everyone had though Beca was gay, with the chemistry between her and Chloe, and actually, she as bi, but not the point. Everyone had thought she'd end up with Chloe, but nope! She chose him, and everyday he woke up next to her, he thanked God he got so lucky to be able to cal Beca Mitchell his girlfriend.

"Jesse?" Beca mumbled, snapping him back to reality, "Your doing the creepy staring thing again. What's going on in the land of Swanson?"

"Oh nothing," Jesse smiled, planting a sweet kiss on the top of Beca's head, "Just thinking about how lucky I am to have you."

"Well I am pretty awesome," Beca laughed, "And dude, your the dude. Your not suppose to be this sappy."

Jesse laughed, "Someone's a little full of herself today!"

"Today?" Beca smirked, "How about every single day Jess? I mean, its hard not to when you're as awesome as me."

"Touche," Jesse chuckled.

Settling back down, Jesse half watched the movie and half watched Beca as she began to drift off to sleep. Between the radio station, Bella's, and school, Beca hadn't really had much time to just relax. Now, sitting cuddled up next to Jesse, and enjoying his company, despite the God awful movie on, Beca was quite content with life right now.

As her eyelids began to droop down, Jesse smiled and turned the movie off. Before Beca could voice any sort of protest, Jesse gave her a sweet kiss and laid down, one arm around her mid-section. Throwing a blanket over them, Jesse's smiled broadened as Beca used his arm as a pillow and cuddled even closer to him. As Beca's breathing evened out and her body completely relaxed, Jesse too began to fall asleep. Closing his eyes, Jesse's last thought before sleep overtook him was that Beca smelled like peaches. Jesse liked peaches too... And then Jesse's breathing evened out and he fell asleep cuddled up next to Beca.

* * *

**AAAAAAAAAND CUT! So, ugh. I dislike jeca, with like a burning passion. Mitchsen all the way mates! lol, so if this was bad, I'm really sorry. But on that note, tell me mortals? Do I make the next chapter smutty or fluffy? It onl has to be Mitchsen Valentines day based, so what to do, what to do? :) **

**On to my lovely aca-mortals now!**

**Waatp: lol, you liked that? Most excellent. I thought it was funny when I wrote it, but it was also 11:30 at night after 8 hours in the snow working XD Sometimes, at times like that, i find EVERYTHING funny.**

**cxcxcx386: Please, I make a fool out of myself everyday. Laughing in public is the least of my worries. Try yell/singing in the middle of a crowed mall and dancing like an ass. Das what i do to look like a fool. On that note though, glad you liked it! **

**BardenBellaBeca: So I did good then? :) Was it everything you hoped it would be and moooooore?**

**Alright, so that was it mortals. I think I'm going to go write some of DWH while I figure out what i want to do for the next chapter. Reviews are always nice BTW... :)**


	12. Pirate Day: Waatp

**Greetings mortals! So this brilliant piece has been brought to you by the one and only waatp! Gys, fucking outstanding author, and I encourage you to go read her stuff. BTW, the two of us will be coming out with a kick ass fic soon, so I also recommend you follow and fave her, cuz guys, its going to be fucking awesome :)**

**Also, under her recommendation, Bullshit week is now bullshit life. Until I stop writing on this site, I' just goign to keep BSW open. Won't update everyday, but I'll take prompts and write some when I feel like it. Cool?**

**So now, with out further ado, I bring you Pirate Day by the one and only Waatp.**

* * *

"You want me to do ... what ... tomorrow?" Beca asked, cocking her head to one side as she stood by the front door with her hand on the doorknob reading to leave, laptop bag already hanging from her shoulder and her headphones slung over the crook of her arm.

"Dress up like a pirate silly." Chloe answered, playfully patting Beca on the shoulder, clearly ignoring the 'no touching' rule Beca had decided to enforce the previous week, slightly afraid for her safety under Chloe's repeated sneak attacks.

"Why?"

"Because it's 'Act Like A Pirate Day' tomorrow and because I want you to."

"Dude, did you just make that up?"

"No, it's a thing."

"Acting like a pirate is a 'thing' now." Beca said, air quoting as sarcastically as she could, bending her knees to emphasis the mockery.

"Oh totes!" Chloe completely ignoring the snark, took a step towards Beca who shrank back into the shadows of the front door.

"Dude, spatial awareness. Back off."

"Agree to it and I will." Chloe said with a twinkle in her eye, a slight twist to her mouth.

"OK, fine! I'll think about it." Beca huffed, turning back towards the door, fumbling at the handle, reassuring herself of an escape route. "If you dare make me walk the plank or ..."

"Oooh, hadn't thought of that activity."

"Wait, what? There are activities?"

"Yep, ask Amy."

"Oh my God! Dressing up and activities? ... Can't we ever just have a normal day around here?"

"And we've got themed foods and drinking games too." Chloe said, completely ignoring Beca's attitude.

Beca groaned and thought how ridiculous this all was. She was desperately trying to think of a way to get out of joining in without looking like the jerk that she knew she was. She didn't want to disappoint her girlfriend's best friend though. She rolled her eyes, catching Chloe looking at her mid eye roll.

"Beca, do you really not want to do it? It's only a bit of fun. You don't have to, you know? It was only supposed to be a theme for an early birthday party for Amy. She said she was related to Blackbeard or something so we thought we'd combine the two. Forget I asked." Chloe looked crestfallen, frowning slightly as she looked at her feet, making eyes towards Beca through her lashes.

"Oh queerballs, OK, I'll do it. Jeez. Anything to stop that face." Beca conceded, all too slightly aware of the speed of the effect that Chloe's sad face was having on her resolve. "What time?"

"We're starting at 6!" Chloe said, snapping her head up, clapping her hands together and leaning in to quickly peck Beca's cheek, before she turned in a swift movement, snapping her fingers above her head as she walked away. "See you later!"

Beca was pretty sure she had just been played.

Aubrey stood in front of the full length mirror in her bedroom, turning to the left and then twisting to the right, checking that her outfit was suitable. She needed to look the part, especially if Beca had been persuaded to join in, and Aubrey had rejected several of Chloe's ideas to turn her into Captain Hook, favouring a more subtly approach to the madness outside. She had been hiding in her room all day, avoiding the pleas to come and help and waiting for the last minute before getting ready. Aubrey had never felt so uncomfortable in her life. And that included Puke-Gate.

She opened the door of her bedroom, shutting it softly behind her, trying to retain some sort of dignity in Stacie's six inch, knee high boots leant to her solely for the purpose of her outfit. She had teamed the boots with a tight, black leather mini skirt (borrowed from Chloe), four inches shorter than her usual military inspection length, which fitted her form and showed off her long legs perfectly. She also wore what she could only describe as a 'frilly' white shirt, tapered at the waist, along with a tight black leather waistcoat of Chloe's that she never wanted to know why she had it. Chloe had managed to persuade Aubrey into a push up bra. Her hair was soft and curly around her shoulders and she has succumbed to a jauntily patterned skull and crossbones bandana, lazily tied to complete her outfit.

She tried to make a silent descent towards the kitchen to down a couple of shots to make the evening more bearable because aca-Gods, she didn't quite understand why they were hosting a party about calloused and ugly sea-dogs but her ginger stalker was on high alert and grabbed her around the waist as she slipped down the corridor.

"Oh my God! Bree! You look stunning. Do a twirl?" Chloe released her grip on the blondes' waist, taking a step back to admire her friends outfit.

"I need a drink." Was all that Aubrey was able to offer in reply, refusing to spin around.

"OK grumpy pants! Everyone is here. Amy's already spiked the punch." Chloe said, turning around and heading back downstairs. Aubrey observed her best friends outfit for a moment and wondered how a simple pair of black jeans, black boondockers and a whimsical stripy tee shirt with anchors on passed for an outfit. True Chloe had accessorised with skull earrings and some black leather jewellery, and the obligatory red spotted handkerchief on her head, but was that all.

"Great." Aubrey pouted towards Chloe's retreating form. "Are you dressed by the way? Is that your outfit?"

"Yes." Chloe paused at the bottom of the stairs, turning to look at Aubrey as she glided down the steps, taking her time with the heels. "Why?"

Aubrey didn't know what to say so she chewed her lip for a moment.

"Oh! Why haven't I gone to town? Well, you are wearing half of my outfit, I didn't have time to get anything else and because I've set up everything this afternoon on my own because my best friend was sulking in her bedroom!" Chloe continued, completely without malice or hint of regret.

"Chloe ...!"

"Bree, it's a party, lighten up! Come on!" Chloe said laughing as she pulled on Aubrey's hand towards the living room, pausing for a moment before clearing her throat for a dramatic effect. "Ladies, I give you our Pirate leader, Captain Posenberry, high villain of the seven seas."

It took a moment for Aubrey to take in the room that Chloe had decorated and she felt guilty. Chloe had decorated the room with flags, decorations and props, probably stolen from the campus' drama department, Tom, her boyfriend, being the head of the drama club. She had made papier-mache chests, filled with chocolate coins, fashioned 'loot' bags over furniture, strung up palm trees and even found the front of a boat which had been festooned with rope and plastic crabs.

Aubrey looked around at her fellow Bellas who were currently whooping and cheering at her arrival and she smiled at them all, before crossing the room to sample some of Amy's punch. She was just spooning some into one of the disposable cups when she was confronted with a very odd looking pirate.

"Ahoy me heartie." Beca deadpanned, clearly enjoying the fact that Aubrey was as uncomfortable as she was.

"Oh my God! Beca! You look ... you look ... adorable!" Aubrey laughed as she pulled her in for a swift, soft kiss on her lips.

"Mmmph ... adorablemph ...letmegomph ..." Beca said into Aubrey's kiss. Aubrey pulled back and looked down at her girlfriend of eighteen months.

"You do! Did you make the hat yourself?" Aubrey asked, taking in Beca's outfit. Consisting of her trademark black skinny jeans and her black combat boots, Aubrey noticed that she had made a set of lapels to go over the boots and had decorated them with silver marker pen. Taking in the rest of Beca's outfit she saw that Beca had coloured in her own stripes on a white vest top, tying a red scarf around her waist and throwing on a black sleeveless shirt to complete the ensemble. But it was the endearing homemade pirate hat and the drawn on pirate moustache that made Aubrey realise just how much she loved Beca. The hat, made of craft paper and stuck together with copious amounts of sticky tape was topped off with a badly drawn silver skull and cross bones. Something that a five year old would be proud of.

"I didn't want you to feel weird about this. I know you don't like pirates all that much. With those weird nightmares you have. I had to do something about your hatred for pirates."

"They are growing on me. Come here!" Aubrey said, pulling her in for another kiss, Beca really having to stretch up to reach Aubrey's lips.

"I must say Captain Posenberry, that's a fine treasure chest you have there." Beca said and Aubrey looked down at her smaller girlfriend, who seemed to be having trouble making eye contact, her boots kicking the floor.

"Beca Mitchell ... joining in with the lingo! Nice! Christ Aubrey, you wanna put those bad boys away ... you're putting me off me rum punch." Amy stepped in, eyepatch sitting somewhere on her left cheek, ruining the moment and taking in the sight of Aubrey's goodies all in one go. Aubrey threw her head back and elicited a dirty laugh, something that made Beca's stomach lurch a little.

"Come on, you two scurvy sea-dogs, time for a game."

"What do you call an insane pirate?" Amy asked to the room. She was clearly enjoyed the twenty fifth round of pirate jokes, her being the only one to know any of them. "Bizarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre."

"Amy, stop!"

"Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? ... Because they can spend years at 'C'!"

"Amy ..."

"OK... here is a good one. Knock Knock ..."

"Who's there." CR called back, hoping to get this over and done with.

"Interrupting pirate."

"Interrup ..."

"ARRRRRRR!"

"Someone kill me!" Stacie yelled.

"I'm the best pirate joke teller in Tasmania, without being insane. What did the Pirate on Wheel of Fortune say?" Amy paused to look to see if anyone was going to answer. "I'd like to buy an Aye!"

"Oh God."

"Why did the pirate go to the Apple Store then? ... anyone ... OK then ... to buy an iPatch."

"No more."

"Where did the one legged Pirate go for breakfast? ... The iHop!"

"Sssssh, we are all too drunk to care now."

"What has eight legs and eight eyes?" Amy asked, clearly not listening to the protests. "Eight pirates!"

The collective groans around her spurred Amy to take another drink before she continued.

"OK, last one and then we'll start the games. There was a reporter interviewing a retired buccaneer about his many years living at sea. As she understood it, he had lead a very long and exciting life. Trying to find an exciting story, she started the interview by asking, "So, Captain, how did you get your peg leg?" The Captain responded, "I got too drunk one night and broke me' ankle. The ship doesn't ha'e a doctor, so we cut it off and put the leg on tharrrr." The reporter was disappointed, because she had expected a more exciting story. Not to be discouraged, she would move on to her next question, asking him how he had gotten the hook on his hand. He responded, " 'Twas me night to cook and I wasn't paying attention when cuttin' the food. Like before, we didn't ha'e no doctor te fix me up, so we put the hook on therrrrre." Once again, the story had been less exciting than the reporter had hoped. In a final act of desperation, she asked about the patch on his eye, to which he explained, "I was out on the deck lookin' at the sea when a seagull flew overhead and its droppin's fell clear into me eye." The reporter was confused. "That's why you wear a patch on your eye?" The Captain responded, "Well, I'd only had me hook for a few days!"

"Enough Amy, enough!" Chloe cried out, desperate to do anything else but listen to another one of Amy's jokes or stories.

"Oh you land lubbers are no match for me. I might have to call Bump later and see if he has any interest in dropping his anchor in my lagoon."

"Gross Amy!"

"Ahoy then, what game's next? Or shall we put on an RRRRRRR rated movie? With booty calls?"

Beca had been watching Aubrey all night, thoroughly enjoying watching her girlfriend finally relax after a week of mock exams. She downed the rest of her drink, wiping the dregs from her lips with the back of her hand. She crossed the room, catching Aubrey's eye as she snaked around her friends semi-lifeless bodies, splayed out on the floor, too tired to move after 10 hours of partying and Amy's jokes. Chloe looked up at her as she approached the two best friends.

"Ahoy, there First Mate."

"Ahoy Captain, room for me to board there?" Beca asked, as she dropped her eyes to Aubrey's lap.

"Aye. Aye." Aubrey replied, settling her knees for Beca to slip onto her lap. She ran a hand around her girlfriends shoulders, pulling her in to her chest, a view Beca thoroughly enjoyed.

"Aww, you've joined in the spirit of it finally!" Chloe clapped her hands together, excited as a puppy.

"Don't you mean arrrrrr?"

"Beca Mitchell, making a funny! I'm going to call it a night. Goodnight you two, see you in the morning." Chloe whispered, sneaking a kiss to their cheeks, before slipping out of the living up to her bedroom, opposite Aubrey's upstairs.

"Are you sleepy Beca?" Aubrey asked as she tucked a small kiss to the top of Beca's forehead.

"Depends on what you have in mind?"

"Want to have a 'whale' of a time?"

"Ha, Amy is a bad influence on you! Let's slip away while they're watching Pirates of the Caribbean ... which, can I just say screams cliché!"

Aubrey laughed, standing up in her bare feet holding Beca in her arms, her boots look since discarded. She muttered a good night to those that were still awake as they watched Johnny Depp challenge Captain Barbosa and made quick work of the stairs to her bedroom. Pushing the door shut with her hip, she placed Beca gently on her bed, making short work of pulling off Beca's boots and jeans. Beca moaned and lifted her lips to Aubrey's neck, causing the blonde to stiffen under the attack. She felt Beca' breath in her ear.

"Roger me senseless Captain."

"Prepare to be boarded."

And Beca tucked a grin onto Aubrey's cheek. Maybe pirate day wasn't too bad after all.


End file.
